a.dazzling.twilight.dream [橘梦物语]

Burial Applicant

2011-12-26T19:22:00.000-08:00

刚刚早上其实是吓醒的

妹妹已经跟小瓜们去吉隆波了
他们是为明天乐队的欢送会准备
这次我把欢送会交给小瓜们处理了
是时候让他们也成长了
虽然我有时觉得自己很弱
这里是指处理事情方面
话说星期六在槟城   晚上发生了很多事
这里就不多说了
只能说很感谢在危机时刻还有很多人帮手
那晚   其实该说是转机吧？
让小瓜们把他们觉得我本身的问题都说了出来
原来这段期间带领乐队   出了好多问题
我本身觉得   我有在这假期做出成绩
只是过程和做决定的方式错了
原来啊
再纠结过去的事物是没用了
我上位都快半年了
时间真的快不够了
只能全力以扑了 朋友们   为我祈祷吧
希望能把缺点改掉
我这个人最讨厌的就是留下遗憾

我真的不想错过

说回早上吓醒
其实我算是做了个噩梦吧
我梦见了自己被送到一个岛屿上了
那里是不允许离开的   岛上的人是危险的
我依稀有印象当我被送到岛屿过后   我先前的羁绊
一切回忆和曾经存在过的痕迹
都消失不见了
那时   我想起了好朋友们
想到往后我就不在他们的记忆中了   连存在过的痕迹都不留
和他们的每个时刻   每个相处的片断
都好像打从一开始就没存在过

想到都快崩溃了
然后我就醒来了
天空没有颜色   听到手机有信息的铃声
却依然躺在床上可能心有余悸吧
这一切是那么的真实   你想想看
当你知道你自己的存在只不过是谎言
你会有什么感受？

这个梦的意义   我并没有搞到很清楚
只不过我发现到   现实生活中是变幻无穷的
下一秒发生的事   没有人知道
不想自己的人生那么快被遗忘
虽然打从一开始人类已注定是短暂的一个转瞬即逝

差别只在于
你想不想在这短暂的转瞬即逝
改变这个世界

2011-12-19T08:02:00.000-08:00

DECEMBER ALREADY MAN!!
This december is one of my fullest month =) By fullest I mean that everything I do is meaningful and all the hard works finally paid off ~there's nothing happier than achieving your goal. I'm nt gonna elaborate on everything, if you wanna know what I'd been doing just check out my Facebook, hahaha. Anyway it's one of the times that I truly feel alive, and by alive I mean I am really grateful for everything, everybody around me and live life to the fullest everyday. By some point in november I was really emo and moody, and I felt that life really sucked. Literally. and I felt that my life was going down....but then everything changed and I was glad for it.

So, don't look down on yourself, a human has infinite possibilities, if you truly believe in yourself, and add up your hard work and determination, you'll see the wonderful gifts of life. It's been a long time that I had struggled. 2011 was not a good year for me. I thought that everything was over. But then I'm Sze Han. I wouldn't go down so easily. I have a bunch of truly caring friends and sometimes I almost cried because I realized I still have so many good friends who are willing to share my sorrow and share my burden. From now on, I'll never be looking back, I'll try to cherish my life and everything around me. Thanks everybody for being by my side all those days, I can't find words to describe my gratitude for you =)

Anyway, Sze Han will rock on again =D I hope so ><

Better man

2011-11-27T22:12:00.001-08:00

最近过得蛮充实的

虽然具体来说也说不出为什么

这个假期过得很快，快得我现在才发现已经要十二月了

而这个假期我都在干嘛呢?

我正干着一份工是在Celcom Blue Cube打工的

嗯真的很幸运我做了这份工

工作环境很不错老板他们是严了点啦

工作时间也蛮长的每一天都要去

我现在的问题是很难平衡做工和去乐队的时间

两边走有时真的会喘不过气而且久了不懂健康会不会搞砸

不过确实也值得的况且诗意有陪我做工

益辉,美萱和可欣也都在附近做

至少不会寂寞^^

所以其实我应该很感恩的

做了这份工得到了社会经验同时发现自己的弱点

说真的我弱点还蛮多的><不过为了薪水

为了想买的东西

我只有加油了哈哈

这样的日子很快就过去了

再过不久又是新的一年了

我不想中学生涯的最后一次清闲假期就这样浪费了

因为我很多朋友都是在家吃喝玩乐哈哈

其实我也想那样不过我觉得是时候转换心态了

尝试新的东西会提升自己:) 还有最近做事也越来越有感觉了

生活也不会那么颓废了

中四可以说是我最失败的一年除了成绩很烂

也白白过了那么一年虽然当中我觉得我成长了

也有很多很棒的回忆^^

最近也想了好多东西

要发觉世界的真理真的很复杂

我是不是要傻了? ==

一直想些成人才会去想的事情

比如说世界的各种环境问题

还有活着的意义哈哈哈 ==

最近又看到一个在fb的东西

说: Life is something to do when you're not sleeping

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈

很对其实人生只不过是如此

或许不去想太多人生真的会比较好过

就像我的很多身边的人活得安乐

只不过我总觉得这样的日子.....有些缺少了什么

说道做事有了感觉

不过其实还是有很多不足我的情况呢

是在很劣势的环境下必须成功

这里有一部分是指乐队的事现在在很努力的想办法带好它

这个很多回忆和我成长的地方虽然到了目前已经有些东西遗失了

不过我没有选择我必须坚持

'''不然我只不过是如此而已''' 哈哈我很喜欢这句话

是海贼王里索隆vs熊那里的对白

或许这就是我成长必经之路

那样想的话很多负面想法都会没了哈哈

还有她><

最近几天她电话没钱了开始坐立不安了==

我是在想念她吗根本就是吧

星期六她要去台湾了

会想她吧 ><

我的这份情感会长久吗?

现在要说还很难吧

而且又得知了一件事希望不是真的

我喜欢的她或我的兄弟这种选择我觉得我做不了

但我是摩羯座啊

我是李思翰 :)

如果我不对自己有信心我不坚强

我早都垮了吧

那我就什么都不是只不过是如此而已

Starry Night Sky

2011-11-20T09:42:00.001-08:00

魔羯座的人平时都酷酷的一丝不苟的样子，大部分时间都面无表情，让你完全猜不透他内心的想法，而且他们也很少说类似“我爱你”之类的甜言蜜语，在他们看来说这种话丢脸死了，所以通常是他心软或者中真的心动的时候，才会对你说这样的话，所以如果他们带着关爱的眼神对你说出“我爱你”的时候就是真的认定你是他后半生的唯一了。不过有时候这些话甚至要你跟他结了婚以后才有机会听到，比如说看到你为他打造的幸福家庭，他好感动，那一刻，他可能就会说出来了

也许你印象中的摩羯是现实且冷酷的，但是你一定没想到，当他们被热烈的感情所征服时，会变得很忘我很痴情，当他们真心倾慕一个人的时候，那份深藏在心底的爱才会迸发出来，而且这种爱会是一发而不可收拾，经久不衰，尤其摩羯们对爱人和家庭有着极强的责任感，他们忠诚的爱逼迫自己要尽快给情人一个温暖且安定的家，这样兼顾面包与理想的爱，的确让人感觉很幸福很窝心!

摩羯座总是一个外表给人冷酷的，而且吵架了，虽然很难哄，而且不是一个道歉就能解决的，即使说了很多好话，我想摩羯爱人都不会给你好脸色看的，但是她的行动却证明已经原谅你了，如果你出现了什么困难，遇到不开心的事情了，摩羯一定会及时的出现在你身边，为你分担解忧的。责任心的作用会原谅的。

这三段是她在聊天时要我读的~~她还问我生日><

嗯不知为何我觉得很准 :) 天下魔羯都是那样的吗?

希望不是吧那我能保留我的那一点特别了

哈哈在这之前有很多事发生了

不过我选择放在心里就好了

我还真的说出口了 ><我也很佩服自己

不过还是要谢谢你丫<3真的很感谢你....

以后还会继续喜欢你><

现在烦着乐队的事我天生很懒惰.....我想要改变我这一点

一定可以的:)

Lost Tower

2011-11-12T07:52:00.001-08:00

Cried today....to be exact, two streaks of tears streamed down my right cheek just now

I'm in the car, coming home from dinner. Today's my mum's bday

but during that time, I feel that my heart is so painful...so sorry mum, I'll prepare your present by tomorrow morning.

I'm sms-ing with her..then she told me somethings... maybe it's just that I didn't understand it

or she didn't mean it but I interpret it that way anyhow...so I cried silently in the car.

What would happen if dad saw my tears == I can't imagine.

It's too difficult to say, but I really didn't understand some parts...but if that's what she really wants,

I'll go with it...I was home after that, but I don't have any mood to do anything..

I just lie on the bed waiting for her messages...and chatting with Yik Fei...

I asked him about those love love things >< suddenly feel like asking...because he's experienced XD

Walau you really understand me... you really pro == I didn't tell you anything at all you already know who that girl is...you even said you simply guessed one. == I choose to believe you...bro><

After that her message came, I straight go open my computer..haha~~then find her~

I somehow feel sorry, but I just wanted to understand those parts that're blurry...I still feel pain ><

but after that during the time talking to her, I feel relieved and happy again ><

I think I'm sot sot already.... haha ==! But what can I do, I miss her again....

Hope you get well soon ya...really miss the time when I'm just behind you.

haha I'm talking about the time we're descending down the mountains in Cameron.

I really feel like I can protect you, that time.

I still feel it now =) But right now the happiest thing for me is to accompany you and talk with you.

I'd feel happy just doing that. Maybe I shouldn't expect anything yet....but yik fei said,

If you really like her, then you'll like her for anything or everything ( I translated from Chinese XD because we're sms-ing with chinese) something like that lar~~~ but I just want her to be happy can already...><

Distance

2011-11-11T06:47:00.001-08:00

今天是个特别的日子

一大早起床先发信息给她

对于昨晚真的很在意..

本来她不想理我的~该怎么说~

自己活该吧 >< 不过后来没事了

真的很开心

也知道了原来心痛是这种感觉

噢我的天回来后又信息了她

我觉得自己好像很烦

可是我想念她....又能怎样><

希望她别讨厌我我就很开心了

哈哈

今天去看那些年果然好看~~~

真的很有意思....看到柯腾说他就是那么幼稚才能一直追沈佳仪

我想起了她...哈哈

心中竟然有种说不出的酸

我在想

如果她有一天不理我了我会怎么办

从出生以来我第一次有这种深深的情感==

她对我来说

真的很不一样...

我能看着她的照片傻笑好久好久

做什么都在想着她

顺着她

逗她开心我会很兴奋

跟她聊天会很期待

或许我真的喜欢她吧

未来我就真的不知道了

我想她没喜欢我吧...不知道 ><

暧昧是最好的感觉...那些年里有说

也有一句

‘我的世界, 只不过是你的心’

或许我隐隐约约明白那是什么意思吧

Hanabi

2011-11-10T05:21:00.001-08:00

单身是我的选择，而我也会一直单身下去，直到遇上那个对的人 =)

原来我一直以来走过的这条路并没有错,

到最近才发现我的过去那一切只是为了某一天

我能和她相遇

我只不过在等待那一天

Pledge

2011-11-08T07:36:00.000-08:00

I met a girl.
I can't tell if she's special.

I can't tell if I have any feelings.

Probably everything will be the same again.

I won't love.
I scare.
Maybe it's too fast.
Maybe I'm scared because I don't have enough bravery.
Maybe she's just another girl.

But what was that feeling in my heart just now?
I certainly feel my heart skipped....

Maybe's it's just temporary? I don't know.

I feel so lost.

Vortex

2011-11-06T10:22:00.000-08:00

Just back from the expedition, a super enriching experience =D Get to know more about people around me, get to enjoy the chill and super fresh air(although most of the time I'm freezing and shaking very funnily haha xD), get to enjoy the penthouse life with a group of crazy dudes, get to climb the most awesome mountain ever although stained almost from top to toe by the awesome mud and bleeding here and there, get to descend down the mountain in the rain with ultra cool wind batting on all corners for like 4 hours...and walk another 7kilometers down the hill to where the bus is, get to say thank you to Yan yi dear who help me the most and be by my side, get to say thank you to Xiet Yang and Ben for always cracking the jokes and gay together, and most importantly, Get to know people =)

Most importantly, I get to know you >< you're nice....I can't describe the feeling..you're sincere, funny, your laugh is mesmerizing, and you're .....beautiful. haha..thank you for helping me and I feel its my pleasure to help you through the mountain walk and going through all the happy and awkward moments...and be just behind you so that I can always hold you when you fall.

Best Trip ever :) wonderful and awesome memories together...

Feel empty after back from the expedition =( Miss everything there ><
Adrian's super regretting now...haha! but hope there's a next time for such event, I'll certainly go for it.

认识你我觉得好荣幸

遇见你我好开心^^

Silly God Disco

2011-11-01T04:33:00.000-07:00

Hoo~ hell yeah!! It's november already...in a blink of ultra velocity most of Form 4 had went by and it didn't really register in my mind and state of conscience. I mean, life's really vague for the 10 months before and I am not really happy, somehow~I missed my life in the past, but what can I do, it's too much for me to complain, since I had literally achieved what I had set out for this year and became close with some friends to a whole new level. Well, it can't be a bed of roses, I lost fragments of things along the way too. I miss some part of me that I realized I had lost it nowadays... is it bad or blessing in disguise? Most of the things changed dramatically and I had time to think through everything, and it's been annoying being pecked at by involuntary thoughts randomly any time of the day. Through time, people change and while some people walk into your life some will walk out too, and it's mixed feelings as everything is still not clear for where are these all are heading. This is the year of rehab and thinking, through the days I had some principles instilled in me and I hope I can be the person I hope to be =) well, most of my time these days were spent sleeping and listening to The Gazette and setting goals for my band...things are not looking so good for now but I'm trying to steer it towards the better. Oh wait, what did I said 'hell yeah' for already...nevermind, I guess I just needed this personal space and spill things out...I hope I can go well with my revolution and dream programmes, be it personally or organizationally. Right, today was the Chemistry papers, and I fuxked both paper 1 and 2 up literally, thanks to......everything. Yeah. Haha, Im not gonna linger on it, I'll take it as ANOTHER DIP INTO THE DEPTH FOR A MORE DRAMATIC RISE IN REPUTATION. haha, why did I even bother to caps that sentence, I have no idea...anyways, my rep certainly are damaged in all ways and I'm still figuring a way to pull it back, together with everything.

I guess you can't have everything at the same time, huh? Life's damn unfair, hahaha.

Need for making a change. =D

I like this : The difference between a dream and a goal is a PLAN.

but the problem is I always feel lazy and falied to plan. that's something I'm trying to change lately. Haha.

Anyway ciaos, 2 more days to go for THE BEGINNING OF BRAND NEW WORLD. Actually that means the end of final exam =D haha, can't wait anymore.

不知不觉,原来等待你已经变成一种习惯.

Chizuru

2011-09-22T00:45:00.000-07:00

my left ear is getting muted day by day.

Maybe, it's better for me to shut myself out from the world?

It happened yesterday morning, and I had no idea what caused it.

Before i become deaf, can I hear the whisper of angels again?

Can I hear the voices that bring me hope again?

Can I hear your voice again?

To be or not to be, THAT is the question

2011-09-20T10:47:00.000-07:00

Feel like typing something~

Nothing's happening nowadays, life still sucks as always but you try fighting that and make the most out of everyday even though in the end you still feel everything's not enough and feel like total garbage. Nah.
haha just lamenting randomly. Let me share something. Have you ever feel like, when you're trying to chase something so badly and longing for it you'll lose something close by, bit by bit, no matter how small the margin and how unnoticeable it's happening. Just like the one and only phrase 'To be or not to be, that is the question.', you'll be amazed how often we ask ourselves the age-old question : Is it true that those that we haven't acquire are always better than those that we've owned? Is it always true that the greed and desire of petty humans knows no boundaries and the reason humans fall is because of not knowing that appreciation is the only way to get hold of happiness? We are all dreamers. very often, we set sights on things that're better and seek for greener pastures, all in the name of dream and to lead better lives. Yet, in the pursuit of something possibly unknown, we lose sight of things that we once cherished and loved. Life's fleeting and the only thing permanent is the moment when we arrive at truth and realization. Yes, we will go for our dreams with full throttle no matter the obstacle but we always feel empty. Ok now I'm not sure where this is going again, so I'll leave it right here, like a cliffhanger. Conclusion, this passage sums up my feelings recently and I'm wondering whether the path I've taken is worthwhile or not. Maybe, maybe by the time I realized it, that will be the start of another story in my life.

Life's fleeting and death's unforgiving, cherish every moment with your loved ones and be happy. =)

Untitled

2011-09-19T13:33:00.000-07:00

Changed some songs =)

I guess my blog now is almost deserted already, with no visits nowadays. Haha.

Nevermind, I like my blog anyhow and lookout for it cuz I think it'll be revived :)))

So cold.

2011-07-30T20:17:00.000-07:00

一大早起床
心很冷很冷
冷得不得了
看着窗外的天空灰灰的
风一直一直在刮那种超现实的感觉
让人觉得好寂寞

我原来那么脆弱
孤独真的是我的唯一出口?

不想有一天
真的寂寞寂寞
寂寞到什么都想不起
寂寞到忘了一切
寂寞到不懂什么是寂寞

泪在眼眶打转
天空还是很灰

Brave Heart

2011-07-25T01:38:00.000-07:00

all this while, I've been in the long lane of memory fragments.

It's been too long, I just can't get rid of it. everything has become a part of my life, my dream.

Yes, I have a dream. A far away, colourful, dream; it's a dream that will splash iridescent rainbows into this world.

This world of grey, white, black.

It feels so awful and sad whenever I think of the position I'm currently in.

yes, it feels like I've had all those things I once dreamt of. Long ago.

Sadism and longing, it bites my soul, so hard so painful.

But yes, I really have everything. maybe it was me, maybe it was all about my dream.

I always feel like doing something, so that I can be closer.

Closer to that day.

Now it's just passe, but it still feels damn heck awful. Maybe it's just a matter of perspective.

and how you define this world.

To me, the world, it's colourful.

too colourful that it saddens my whole being.

I always feel that maybe there's something else that I can do, and yet I also feel hesitated.

Like maybe I've always been wrong all the while, from the beginning.

I have a dream. I love memories.

It's a sunshine in my path, and all I need is a brave heart to bask in its glory.

Can I believe?

[sorry if im a bit hypocritical, but i cant lie to my feelings

i need something. to recover my world. the world once full of hope

HOPE. once I had always believed.]

寂寞是永不结束的邂逅

2011-07-05T11:53:00.000-07:00

又发觉
人生又进入那个阶段了
好久没更新了真的真的好久了
话说我这次选择用华语不因为什么

感觉比较好表达很罕见吧我用华语来抒发
英文自然我比较喜欢但我还是很爱华语虽然差得不知所以然
还是英文退步了硬找借口?
我不知道
可能绕了一大圈才发现原来又走回原点

这种事吧
我怎么了?

最近都没在做什么假期过后发觉生活很单一格式
蓝色的淡雅色彩隐隐晕开的紫色彩调
看了很多九八刀的书有点挽歌的诗意
很喜欢他的文字截然不同的感觉虽然还是比较喜欢橘子
因为......

也没什么就
感觉很累很累又不懂在累个什么劲
上学功课严重跟不上原来我堕落了吗
回家后只想睡觉很没营养很悲哀的生活方式
还是纯粹活在过去卡在某个地方了久久出不来
就算出来了也又倒带有时候会很羡慕生活简单的人
好像一切笑笑便海阔天空算了
要往前看啊啊

很久没来这里了
想重新装横这里又很懒
也很久没去朋友的部落逛逛了找一天真的要恶补
不然我会很不安心
最近上了某个位子下定决心要好好带上他们
至少在这全是失败的人生干好一件事

希望如此不然我会很......自卑? 还是内疚
说道自卑发掘其实我很容易自卑天天想怎么不比别人好
虽然很清楚明白不去比较好好冲刺才能成大事
可是仿佛这已是习惯
能摆脱吗? 看着别人那么成功突然双手也想握紧什么

梦想幻灭?
一生追寻那曙星光的约定能达成么?

[双手.....突然想握紧某样东西
寂寞的人害怕的不是寂寞
而是渐渐习惯了孤独
能否让我再一次拥有?]

Sometimes.Something.Somebody...Everything?

2011-06-18T23:26:00.000-07:00

Somtimes, when you feel like it's gonna be the end of something.

Somebody there to lend you her ears is enough for everything that will come the way.

Everything.

Life's so sucked up these days, I had no time to finish everything because...well, Im THE procrastinator and lazy-bug. and my dad's health is getting worse, the coughing won't just stop....:( Get well, strong man...I know you will. and sorry for every disobedience and tantrum I had thrown at you, sorry. and Happy father's day :)

Reminiscence Of Last November

2011-06-12T01:25:00.000-07:00

If life is harsh and love's fragile

Why even bothering to perserve?

If it's so easily destructible and hypocritical

what's the purpose we're even here in the first place?

The world, it's a dark place. From the vintage days of the past

when I reminisced of the neon lights, flickering almost lonely in the black of dead night

When desolate lands and abandoned Carousel is the only light and warmth

when back then we're still ignorant of this world, what is in my mind? can I still remember?

The neon lights radiate hollow and artificial glare, almost like it's alien but yet again almost like a starlight.

Im always chasing the starlight, from then till now,

I vow to do it until the end of my life. But is it worth it anymore? when everything's blank

and hope no longer is in sight, so why is it that I will continue to chase the starlight?

The november days, the ones that's so ancient and so far away.

Is it last november that I started to really see the starlight?

Or is it neon lights that's been deceiving me all the time?

So cold, so lonely.

The carousel.

Did it stop right under the moon or behind the sunset?

I can't remember. So does everything fall apart because I no longer chase the starlight?

But somehow I can't stop the thoughts to stray, to a galaxy where I know there's somebody out there

Somebody out there for me.

It's June already.

Everytime there's a meteor that shower by against a backdrop of constellation starlights

Who, will be by my side and remind me to make a wish?

It's June already.

I shutted all doors, clamped down all memories, cut off all lingering emotions

so that I can move on.
But apparently, Im born for something that can't be forgotten no matter what.

Starlight.

Remembered from the november days, from a far far away time that I remembered

something had been left behind.

Something.

Im waiting for that day

2011-06-10T06:09:00.000-07:00

So messed up.

I've been feeling this sense of unrest for almost....half of this year.

So many times, I had felt that I had found something important, something I worth living for.

But so many times, I had ended up questioning my faith. What had I been doing? and what had I live for?

It's a Friday. woke up at 3pm and stared at my phone's wallpaper. essentially trying to recall what had happened while Im asleep. But of course, I couldn't remember it...I had been wasting my time. My head ached like the ends of hell. How am I gonna end all this?

Need a heart that is ever-appreciating and always believing. So far, I just need a solution to my problems. Am I greedy? I feel a little bit already. No, I should never think about so much things at once...focusing on a goal is the best way for me to move forward.

Well, enough with the negativity already. The first week had been meaningful, to say the least. It's not that I had not been expecting, but I never really dreamt I could blend in and had tonnes of fun :D All this while, Im just chasing everybody's back and tracing your footsteps. So if Im really after happiness, I need to make a trail myself. Nice kem kepimpinan....had lot's of memories with my fellow friends. Thanks for everything :D Now maybe it's a little bit too late about this...but I somehow feel I need to remember this. and then there's the trip to Genting with my band....as always, it's indescribable. haha xD maybe Im exaggerating it, but I like the feeling when we're all in this together. The sentimental feeling and togetherness and craziness is priceless. So Im feeling hollow now because I missed those times so badly? Move on, man!

Yeap, tomorrow is still there and I need to open my eyes and.....see the sunshine? so cliched xD

[ Sorry for all these while... I really wanna save it all. really. but there's something not right with me == I'll appreciate the time until the end....I really hope]

Starting point

2011-05-29T05:28:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow going kem kepimpinan.....a bit reluctant to go lar cuz I wan read manga xD

Well, know that there'll be many people I know going...so hope wont be too boring~~

everybody who's going enjoy yourself bah~have fun :D

and after that going Genting on thursday~the band will have gone up there on wednesday by that time..will miss one day of fun :( the kem lar! we only return in the afternoon on wednesday....haizzz. So this is gonna be one heck of a busy week...busy enjoying XD

Bought jor 2 Giddens book~ohyea~

Reignition and Trepidation

2011-05-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

Woosh Im here again. I promised to take care of this place.

Well the recently-concluded Mid-year exams, I just hope all the best for your results, but it's been hell for me ==

Well, Im paying the price...the results will drop hellbottom, if there's no mistake. So what am I doing? Yeap I did nothing this past year, I really regretted that, and I hope it will turn around next time. This sounds cliche and stupid right? they always say that if we're still living, we can't stop fighting for everything. But I had abandoned my faith.

So where is it? This is the answer Im gonna find...

Seems familiar? somehow....

The holiday's here and I've got lots of things lined up, will be very very busy...but I hope I had the time to finish these mangas

And then there's this awesome naruto movie....dunno when out dy, but gonna watch it!

Somehow I will find time amidst the chaos and fury to finish all this...had been suppressing my needs and cravings all these while =.=

Well then, Ciaos! Gonna sleep, band practice resumes tomorrow :)

Oh Just Let me Die ==

2011-05-24T04:22:00.000-07:00

Sorry but Im really not in the mood to study...

even if in the end I studied something, it's because of my 'trademark' 'burning the midnight oil' and 'last minute thrust' and that really saved me.....can you imagine all the while you never listen to your sejarah in class and

then tomorrow exam strikes and you only START it like it's something new right at 10pm ? well I did it yesterday == It took away almost all my sleep and I kinda feel like Im crazy and going cuckoo...

In the end I don't really know how to describe the paper... it feels secure and at the same time the answers seemed made up mostly by me == That happened to Chemi and Bio too, and Im gonna do it again for the physics tomorrow. Well it's a hard lesson for me to learn and I guess this is the furthest I will go in this aspect. I kinda promise myself, promise my mum not to repeat it. I HOPE I can FULFIL it, because Im suck at time management and Im a super pro at procrastinating and laziness... T^T

Exam sure sucks..... even if it's myself to blame, I still hope it would be gone right now. Well, no time to lament I need to buck up on my physics... Ciaos and give me your blessings :D

Kinda look like it's been too long a interval from my last post. Well, not really into blogging nowadays but will look to revive it soon..

Godbless to Us! 4 more days and it's over~~~

Where is the...

2011-05-10T04:31:00.000-07:00

It's a mess...up till this moment, everything's a mess.

Sometimes, I really thought Im fine, that I can continue my life the way it always was.

Somehow, things kinda changed and I dunno why. Times came when I would slightly think back everything that happened all this while, and realized I couldn't remember all those things I had said. Things that I believed in, or so I thought. I feel.....weird? now. It's not like I feel bad everyday at all, maybe Im just adapting to something new, because I feel that everything's different. And it's that a good thing?

The Mid-year exam is just steps away, and I truly regretted everything I had done in the first half of 2011.
I'll redeem it, I will. From this moment on, let there be guiding light. Let there be a way for me to get out of all this mess.

[Looks like I had abandoned my belief and faith, right? nope, that won't happen. At least I hope so.Godbless and hope everything will be fine....even though I know it's the biggest lie]

2011-04-17T07:32:00.001-07:00

Is this love?

SunBurn

2011-04-09T06:51:00.000-07:00

April's here!

As usual, you can guess Im gonna repeat the same things again. hahaha i think im out of ideas, so forgive me man.. well the school life was just as usual, except Im feeling sleepier as the day went by -.- maybe Im alwaz sleepy all the time, but I seriously don't feel like listening to any teacher and just cover my ears, and let my imagination drift... that's when I realized I had a talent for creating awesome stories out of thin air :D that's daydreaming you may call, but whether it's daydreaming or dreaming at night I always feel enraptured and fascinated by the things that form themselves in my brain. One of the extremely few things Im actually proud of myself xD That way, it helps when Im doing essays or in need for inspirational words. It jogs my mind too...haha.

Lately I've been battling my own dilemma and renewing my direction...and Im juggling all my options and decisions I've made so far, and try to think what's the best for me. In the end, I just gave in to my old ways and feel refreshed again, just because it's the first place I've landed myself and was the place I love the most <3 well, about my other desires.... that kinda have to wait. I dont have a good network at that and lack of chances to learn that.... so I'll just see what I can do. Maybe God has other plans for me :)

Now here's a band maybe all of you had already knew, it's called MUSE. I found it awesome again, after so many years listening to them. Actually, the first time I fell in love with them was when Im 14. I especially love Matt bellamy's piano solos :D it's so freaking nice, it even inspired a lazy bum like me to continue to practise the piano so that one day I can do those feats too :DD Im looking forward to this aspect, cuz Music is the way I've chosen. It may not be my primary spine, but it's certainly my SOUL.

In case you ask why the title is SunBurn, becuase we had marching today in the band and the sun..... literally burns. Seriously. But out of the agony we certainly achieved something hehe. Hope everybody keep it up~~

After the storm

2011-03-30T05:42:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile....again =.= the truth is I actually don't feel like writing anything here, but alright now Im coming home. Home is always different, no matter how you crave and long for the glamour and grace out there. Home is the warmest place on earth, for me =) some may want to voice their thoughts, but mostly you find peace at home.

Ok enough of the BS... but how am I gonna start this? It's been so long and the time frame passed by quite strangely these days and of course, my memory as usual ditched me of most of the things most of the time, so it's no surprise I can't keep track of everything. Some of those will be dropped somewhere in my past :( Okayyss, life these days had those usual ups and downs and at least Im feeling better from the previous period and slowly recovering.... I think. There's no point looking back except to bask in the touching feelings of nice memories again, so everybody moves on. Erm.... my results dropped....quite a bit. 20. Sounds nice and cool, right? right in the middle. fair and square. Actually my mum threatened to cut off my internet connection. But I had promised to fare better next time. I can do it :) LOL

The homeworks had been increasing like never before, but we still got to deal with it. Haizs, I don't like form 4 homeworks....I had really no idea how I can did it the years before. I had lost it. Some of it. I think I'll find another way somehow. God Bless me >< as to other things....well, I don't think there's anything to say. Days went by typically and the weather was real hot. I mean, super ultra HOT == walking in the sun for 2 minutes you'll look like you just come up from a swimming pool. Literally.

Something happened after the time Im healed, well partly healed I think. It's something indescribable, a kind of feeling which will kinda makes you cry. From the way she told me, this is the picture in my mind. Strangely, I cant feel any strong and intense emotions.... had I also lost this? NOoooooo way, I gonna find it back. Maybe It's the way I deal things, maybe it's the fact that my heart cant keep up with the gap growing into a massive hole over the years.... maybe it's a tad too far?

All I can hope for is faith and trust, which I believe will never fail us :) Fingers crossed X <3

28 + 10

2011-03-13T01:36:00.000-08:00

28 days passed by since I left here.
For once, it's strange to say but I felt that love was lost. not even a trace was left.
And so, began the 28 days, when life had never been so depressed and turbulent.
from the peak I dropped straight into the hole, it happened too fast I can barely see and comprehend anything. I just knew I'm freefalling to a place called nowhere, freefalling to the place where I'm somehow fated to be there.
You might still think that I'm still the same throughout the days, but the truth is I'm falling apart.
Behind those laughters and lame jokes, a thousand scars and wounds were brimming red across my heart, a million pieces of memories sticking through my wall. I smiled, at least I tried to, but it's twisted and forced. It couldn't hide the fury and breaking down that's going on inside me.
For once, it's so broken and so bleak that I almost fell into the abyss like so many others. Broken, as I couldn't seek salvation; bleak, as I couldn't see the light. Cloudy and stormy days raged inside me like there's no ending to it.
And so, the 28 days dragged on, attempting to kill everything.

And then, you came into my life. At the exact right time.
You've always been there for all this while, but my cravings and longings had blinded and misted my sight, and all I saw was just my plain own twisted perception, I couldn't see you.
But I'm glad you did come. Just like the way thing was, it's only different because you pulled out that twist in me, and so once again I can see hope. The sun had never been so bright.

Thanks so much <3 I'm really indebt to you. Without you, I can't imagine where this will lead me to.
you stopped my descend into darkness and pulled me back to the surface of the water, and as I gasped and coughed, I started to realize that the sky, why had I never been able to notice that it's so beatiful? Love's beautiful.....

And so my story continues.

Actually, it's 38 days. the days I didn't come this place.
But for the latter 10 days, it's been rainbow and sunshine. I'm still who I was, it's just that something about me was different, not the same anymore from the 29th day. It's the beginning of the end, and whether it's a horrible and murky end or one basked in the glory of love, it's up to the sequel of my story. And about how I'm gonna continue this story, I'll find out myself.

^^

2011-02-02T03:33:00.000-08:00

Rocketeer

2011-02-01T09:31:00.000-08:00

[Here we go, come with me
there's a world out there that we should see
take my hand, close your eyes
with you right here, I'm a rocketeer]

This is lyrics from the song 'Rocketeer' by Far East Movement feat. Ryan Tedder from OneRepublic. This MV's nice and the song, too. :D

It's been a month since 2011, and all I could say is: 2012 is not gonna be the end of the world. Why? because I realized that there's still many things that if not done, I will surely regret.So according to myself, the world shouldn't end :)
January was like a rocketeer, it took me to the dome of the world and down to bottomless pit of earth. My Birthday was memorable, though :D it's a bit weird if I start babbling all these niche things here when they've already been parts of the past a long time ago. Still, some things are meant to be remembered as long as I concern.

This is the month that I've been following the band around for performances and it's been a bit tiring. Well, how can I said it's tiring when there are people that's bearing much much more? anyway, this is the month I let my beloved clar kiss the ground, twice.The upper part of my clarinet slipped from the lower part and hit the floor in both occasions, and I'm heartbroken and guilty as you can imagined.I may not show it, but that doesn't mean the tide are always calm behind the beautiful image. This is the first time that I'm actually so careless, I'm so so so sorry for every harm that I've caused :( Please forgive me..

Today's new year's eve, the house is still the same as always.Greatgrandma's departure 3 years practice had just gone through the first year tomorrow, and according to the belief, our family can't really celebrate CNY.So naturally, there's practically zero CNY ambience in my house.What I'm doing here now is looking forward to the small reunion dinner and house-to-house visiting with friends. Haha, that might give me a little consolation.Lately, some things have been bothering me, and I'm wondering why after all that we've been through, is it my resolve isn't strong enough? Gotta slap everything away and embrace CNY in my own fashion :D

Happy Chinese New Year and God Bless ^^

♥

2011-01-27T08:05:00.000-08:00

So much happened, So much passed by and left only remnants of radiance on this road.
trickle of light droplets make this imagery scene a fantasy too far to dream for, to far to grasp.
Heartbeats rumble through brilliant and sunny days, laughter and joy crackles up the once so moody sky.
We walked all these ways, hand in hand, heart to heart, soul to soul. I say love, you say you.
In the middle there'd of course be twists and thorns, the path laid ahead seemed too hard, excruciating blindness.
And then there's the warm blessings and prayers which still remind me why I had first loved this world, and still loving it.
All these days, everything changed, we will missed all the other days, missed the jokes, the tears, the laughter, the happy days. Of course, sad days and rainy scenes will stick to mind longer and deeper. They remind me why I'm still here and thinking 'it's worth it' even though the pain may be too hard to bear. Sometimes you wish life went the way you want it, but just because you get pain, doesn't mean you have to regret loving someone before.

The way ahead, with faith and loves.

[What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm alone, but I'm not lonely :) ]

Form 4.....?

2011-01-11T05:50:00.000-08:00

A week has passed, you ask me to describe Form 4 life in an artistic and elaborative way?

Form 4 is changing your MyVi into a Ferrari and drive it up the highway at 180km/h only to find yourself always dozing off in your car seat. Form 4 is like standing on the edge of a uber tall skyscraper and trying hard to manage your stance besides eating your spaghetti against the wind. Form 4 is skydiving from above the clouds and when you're freefalling you find yourself to be actually rising up into the clouds. Form 4 is reading a book while you're doing yoga plus playing piano plus trying hard to stop yourself from peeing in your pants. Form 4 is like a love story full of thorns and toxins and yet a sad story full of sunshine and brilliancy. Form 4 is standing together in line with your comrades and marching in unison to the plane of tomorrow, fighting off monsters along the way. Form 4 is knowing how to believe and have faith, and learning what is love through hard circumstances. Form 4 is...

In case you're too free and have a hell of time to kill, I recommend you to click the the button with a small cross on the upper right hand corner of your screen for your own well-being. Actually am I really free to do these ?I mean, write this? Not exactly. Let's see..... there's my bag with books I don't recognize in it and my table is full of books, magazines, comics, cup noodles.....and most importantly, where's my pencil case? and where's my homework? Opps. But well, actually Form 4 is just something ordinary and familiar with just a little twist in the..... time frame and a little extra burden on my sleeping routine. All those previous description were kinda like BS. Sighs. Since school reopens, I can't get any exhausting than this, seriously. Other happenings ..... were just fine. Nothing to talk about~

Btw, tomorrow we'll have band practice, so I'm gonna miss my Account class. Funny enough, all those schooling years I've been through, never had I felt this interested in a certain subject. Haha!! Anyway, ciaoss again.

[Listen to your Heart when It's calling For You]

The Other End of Rainbow is where Love Begins

2011-01-02T05:58:00.000-08:00

I literally had my time concepts screwed up these past 2 or 3 days. Like it's a testament to my endurance and a sign for me to embrace the new winds and tides of 2011. Yes, today is the 2nd day of a whole new decade, and you ask me do I remember the happenings on the first day? Absolutely. New year had never been so mind-boggling and heart-warming.

It's the first time I had a countdown outside my home, till the dawn of new year, and went on to many moments of realization and resolution. Anyhow, they're my family too, so I guess it's the same as in my home because I can feel the love in the air. Except the parts where we kisiao and like, turned the house upside down and blasted the air with new year happiness. It's a Friday and I woke up at 2pm and before I knew it, I went up packing to catch the bus to town with my sis, and met up with friends at Metro Kajang...we went ransacking for junk foods, haha, before Siew hong came by 'surprise' and after that we took another bus to her house. It's already dusk by the time we all finally managed to sit down on her sofa...then at night we just went to The Store to buy hard liquor, but yeah we know we cant, so instead we went for Shandys. Basketball at night with her cousin. A landslide win XD although I know I sucked all 2010. Then short after, the best part began when we finished the last dinner of 2010.

All night long, we played and blasted each other at Facebook and singing karaoke until we realized it's seconds away to midnight and a new beginning. Actually, we're late as explosions of fireworks and crackers filled the air just moments ago while we're just scrambling out of the house for our own 'countdown'. Yeah it's a lil bit too late but who cares, we're still happy just like that. The atmosphere outside hong's house was still the best if compared to any other hot spots =D Took many pics and then went inside for an all-nighter 'celebration'. I didn't and can't sleep on the first day of 2011, even as the dawn broke and the clock struck 7am, as I stared at bodies on the floor and mattress, snoring away tiredly, exhausted. Does that mean 2011 will be a year of another tragic and 'fantastic' insomnia for me, again? I'm gonna change that, I promised.

The days after new year went by in a blur, and here I am now, staring at my monitor, occasionally taking a peek at the ticking clock on the wall just beside me and figuring out everything at once. But well, I'm too lazy and tired anyway, so I just thought I would get things going starting from tomorrow. Something nice and good will come out of it I'm sure. As for the new year resolution, I don't think I will be making a list just like the usual me, never-changing. I changed a lot but some part of me just stayed the same, and I'm kinda glad it does. Happy New year again, God bless and all the best!

[It's true that love never ends and faith never fails.

The other end of rainbow is where love begins.]

三本

2010-12-25T10:31:00.000-08:00

我选择了爱情，她选择了友情。

差别只在于：我是在演戏，而她是来真的。

我能演多久？得爱且爱，认了吧？

多么希望对你而言我不知是朋友

多么明白对我而言妳不只是爱情

能不能够我们之间不只是朋友？

只剩一个月生命的上班族，

饱受霸凌的高中女生，

想再剪一次头发的黑道`老大，

用旅行埋葬秘密的医生，

为了女神展开逆向穿越的孤男，

一个晚上的因果齿轮，

牵动着无数人的命运。

站在因果的分水岭上，

那孩子会知道，

渴望着一场普通人生的自己，

即将变得一点也不普通了吗？

爱人不难，难的是不爱

不爱，也是一种爱

所以，我才会感慨

我们，只能不爱以爱

尽管，爱情，给我们一次机会。

[给我爱，却又不肯被爱。]

闭上眼睛，她这么说。

没有主词的一句话，却说给了主词听。

人在什么情形下会发现自己爱上对方？

当思考起这个问题时。这是我的答案。

A Christmas For Three [Midnight Medley Remix]

2010-12-25T08:12:00.000-08:00

These are the recent happenings, high and low, happy and slow, everything~

This is on wednesday 22 december, we're exchanging with 2 bands

When hoei tzin and choki is pakto, man shing come interfere

At night we slept overnight at Hokkien association....

All in front of da mirror....but you gotta look at jialing's expression when she saw I'm curi curi taking her pic XD

Dinner at 99 food court.....rainy day, so breezy and emo and breathtaking~

After taking PMR result, some friends accompanied me to metro point. We played bowling~

This very blur O.o

Actually after that we went singing karaoke, but I didnt took any picha~

at the book store on the ground floor of metro point. wad a heaven tat is XD

Then on the 24th I remembered I slept until it was a hot afternoon, and I dizzily woke up, staggering as the the stuffs in my room got a crashing and banging pitifully ....

Voila~ finally it's Christmas~ But It's only 3 people....=.= That day we went to 2 places, but initially we underestimated the crowd that would be building up to a gigantic sea...we failed to board the first KTM to Midvalley and wasted the RM2.60 so I decided to went back to that book store at metro and bought some books. That'll be in the next post~ after that off we went to Times Square.

At 'Shabu Shabu'? or something sounding like that ....I literally forgot the name already.hahaha

The Steamboat tasted..like Chinese New Year? lol...but it's nice anyway.

Haha....I lost to a first timer....again =.= haha siew hong next time play better u gt the potential XD

Second game okok la~

Actually we're trying to find nice bags.... we saw the bags we wanted at Times square, the shop beside Converse shop, but the price is a bit too.... 'nice'. So we went to Midvalley to take a better look at the offers there.

NIce deco

tis is so sohai =.=

hello kitty~

domo kun

LOL

White Christmas~~~

Live choir....nice carolling~

The middle d very lenglui o XD

So.....that's how I spent my day. In the end, I din buy any bag, I just hope next week I can get this settled ...

For You

2010-12-19T08:14:00.000-08:00

It's coming to the end, and while you can see other people busy gearing up for the time after the end or pretending to be busy just to fill up their hollowness, I just stand there and wait, waiting for the end to come.
Sometimes when you let yourself engulfed in a blank state of mind, you learn something in the process. I don't mean I'm idle throughout the whole of two months, but I try to, learn to use a different perspective to see things.
yes, I'm still searching for 'that' unique thing, 'that' thing I've always been wanting... and after every end arrives the beginning, with an open heart I step up to everything so not only that I have the strength to endure, but I can grow mentally and psychologically. That's the purpose I've found in life, the main purpose. In any other way, I'm just the usual guy going about my own business.

This week I'm following the band for an exchange with Kepong and a Johor band is joining. Gonna sleep overnight to accompany and watch after them.Any other days I'm gonna read finish my novels and stuffs before school reopens and before it's too late. Ohyeah, PMR result day is a Thursday and I've got nothing to say about that. Anything happens, it's just a passing of life and it's not necessarily life-changing or fate-twisting so let's just sit there and ha-ha-ha and then it'll be over. I still cannot understand the excessive and far-fetched drama people are presenting. GodBless you people, anyway ^^

[Your walls are too high, I try to get over it and I see a light of hope
But I failed to get over it and I figure out this is normal anyway
Is it me getting used to it or is it always been this way?
You say you won't let me worry, but the way it is you gotta say it again
Let me shoulder your doubts and burden so that your heart will open again.
Remember, nobody is alone in this world.
Things may change but the key is to preserve every moment and laugh until it's over
You never know when everything will end, you never know when I can see you again.
But right now I know, I know we can make it the moment it truly is.
Remember, I may not be the sincerest or nicest, but I'll always be there for you

For You.]

Sometimes Sometimes

2010-12-16T06:32:00.000-08:00

When you're not fine when you're tired....

You can choose to tell me instead of building up your invisible castle walls around your heart

I knew that so well because it's been countless times but maybe I'd get used to you

your brand of personality. Im ok, it's just sometimes I feel that you're further away again.

and I cant do anything but stare and pray in my heart that you're through it.

I know you're strong, everybody knows that, and I know sometimes people do need their own breathing space.

But maybe it's just me, maybe it's just my mindset problem but I kinda feel like

I wont get used to this state of loneliness anytime, not now, not forever. I just feel so.

we've through so much, we've known each other too well, it's not like this is your fault or anybody's

but I just cant deal well with it. I dont know what words to use to describe my feeling, it's odd; it's special.

You're too special, it's different and mind-blowing, and I dont know what to do besides staring at you.

Maybe, just maybe, if I could see that other side of you, I would know the answer to my doubt and uneasiness.

But in the end, I will still like you just the way you are now. Lovesss and Blessess

2010-12-15T08:46:00.000-08:00

曾经拥有是一种安慰吗？知道了失去的痛，就宁愿选择不要拥有？很多时候，人生就像爱情，宁愿爱错也不要错过;很多时候，爱错了才知道拥有过的幸福;没经历过，又怎知道你是对还是错？这个世界很多东西并不是永恒的，现实也许残酷，一切都将改变，但若不是如此你又怎能遇见我？我又怎能遇见你？我知道你够坚强也够脆弱，所以我要你知道，有你真好，失去的终究是已失去，留下来的却是无比珍贵的东西。
有些东西到了某个时间就已不再，而有些东西不管到何时都会在心里面，就像我心中时时刻刻都有你，纵然你不会感觉到。

给我亲爱的你

Little Planets

2010-12-06T11:15:00.000-08:00

Today is Tuesday, 2.45am.

Recently I got a feeling that I've lost track of time. let me rephrase it. I mean I have trouble of recalling back things that happen in a certain day. Like, I thought that day I texted you was Sunday but it turns out to be a Saturday night. Yeah, my memory...... Sighs. Speaking of which, it's been a long time since we really chatted with each other. Wait, it should be it's a long time around since I've ever really, really chatted with anybody. .......

I cant deny it feels good to be in your company...and thanks for trying hard to read that 700 pages book and I do really hope you like the story. I've got more books waiting for you =D Anyway, I ran out of phone credit for two days already, I wonder if I should head down to town tomorrow? I mean today...a couple of hours more...I need to reload, I need to unwind, and I need to go somewhere, alone. or maybe I should go somewhere further?

It's December, which leads me to only one thing:

Christmas is near. The End is near. And so does the Beginning. wait, that's three things already. Or just one?

One or three? .....

Why I Have to Scream

2010-12-04T07:48:00.000-08:00

It's been a while...

Well, mostly these days the feeling is pouring back again. the hollowness there is fading away...

It's always so true how I'm just used to being away from the hype and noise for no reason

that feeling is lonely, cold but yet reassuring... at least that was my perception back in those days.

The night street best reflects me, the flashing neon maroon and deep mauve complete the picture of my heart.

The imperfections of the dark here and there, just fill in the holes of my broken world.

but whenever I thought that was the last time I'm going to be in the crowd again, I was always wrong.

So fcking wrong. I never realized the wonderful things around me, I just dont know how to appreciate.

So now, it's pouring back again.... as memories dance about in my head.

The wrong-being and uneasiness is slowly lifted as I chose to believe, chose to dive in.

Chose to walk on the path that's always been there in my heart.

and I realized something recently.... I love my juniors more le ^^

maybe this is sooooo yucks, but it's true. I love to be with them for no reason.

and be with everyone else, those who I care. No matter how hard it rain, the rainbow's always there

when it's over. Classic quote, yeah?

well, it's especially true now.

I gotta thank God Im fortunate and blessed, not in any conflicting problems that crushes one's soul.

[Simplicity do really make a difference

maybe I dont really snap out of the habit

But at least I know why I'm fighting

why I'm screaming

so I'm trying, trying to break the habit]

Untold Story

2010-11-25T08:15:00.000-08:00

Twilight ended in the form of a million trickles that cast a nostalgia tone in this lonely night

I let the rhythm of the rain guide me, my heart feeling and grasping the glory

I always remember why this life is like this

and always never ever failing to relate to the wonderful things around me.

but why

why is there a certain indescribable solitude spreading and conquering my soul?

Is it because things have changed so fast that I can't register to it

or is it simply I have truly started to let it go?

Yeah, those were the days when barriers are scarce and we can trade everything without hesitation

and we all realized the only thing binding us is loosening and it's no longer useful.

Not anymore.

I know deep down in our hearts we've never been apart

but then again, how can you explain this thing that slowly overwhelmes my whole entity?

I visited a certain friend's blog recently
and feel a bit down scrolling through her posts
the starting of the end? I hope not
I just wish and pray, she dares to dream and hope again
I wouldn't want to see her fall and break
Times are hard and those niffy relationship problems are a huge mess of labyrinth
even though she's strong,
she won't escape from shattering into a thousand pieces if nobody's there to brace for the fall.

[Dont close off your mind

Dont keep your guard tight
surely you're meant to fly in that sky someday
just let it go, let your feelings flow
no matter how hard you stumble
there'll be somebody there for you.]

So Deep

2010-11-20T06:11:00.000-08:00

Suddenly all thoughts and past fragments came rushing and sprawling out in tides and rise
and then everything slides backwards and my state of mind halts in this instant.
It's that time of my life when memories swallow me up completely and I have no idea how this is happening

This time ....the scenes went back to when I was still eight.
Little, innocent, stupid child XD that was the time when everything was so right
so real, and yet too faraway.... life's so harsh, don't you agree?
I vaguely remember, that's when I was dominated and owned by the mighty Dengue fever.
yes, it was mighty back then, and I was in the hospital for like, three days.
Subang medical Hospital. Never forgotten :) there's a precious part of memory there
which will be always treasured throughout my sucked life....

the three days. the single-bed with white and cloud blue blanket and pillow.
the small, traditional television set. the always shadowy and greyish atmosphere.
the nice sweet lenglui nurse :) and the pain everytime there's an injection =.=
Those three days were my first major hospitalization, if you would call it "major", lol
and I still remembered how I cried all night because I cant see daddy and mummy...haha
and how the nice nurse consoled and accompanied me throughout the cold nights.
Most important of all, I knew the song" Never had a Dream Come True"
that's probably the most jubilant and exhilarating moment of my life, thinking of defining myself
with inspiration and awes. But it was back then, how should I know that the moment will be the thrust,
the energy and power for me to seek hope?
Maybe you would think I'm weird, but this is just me, songs affected me deeply, even by now.
the souls and feelings and thoughts of a song can be conveyed effectively without help,
and I really love that part of me. Seriously. One of the rare parts of me that I can really 'like' =.=
Maybe it's common to many people, and you would think "that's just simply normal, what a total crap"
But well, I cant doubt anything, and this would just be the reason why I'm where I'm now.

It's so deep, so mesmerizing...

The Reason

2010-11-19T00:34:00.000-08:00

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

and the reason is You [x3]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

~~So darn true...~~

Life in Slow-Motion

2010-11-11T06:54:00.000-08:00

You know sometimes when you're about to sleep but fragments of images and memories of day time will still keep lingering there in your head and the scenes are like a sequence of a never-ending movie keep flashing here and there, making you restless, and you have a feeling you're getting insomnia...

Yeah, it's familiar, right? Especially to those whom are dealing with stress, doubts or pressure...

whether it's positive or negative.

You know how my dad will always keep on bragging about the importance of sleeping

which is one of his main chatting topics when we're on the dinner table, when watching dramas, when nobody's talking... you name it. He always says how pimples are results of unbalance hormones due to haphazrd timing of sleeping times... and how it will affect us and so on. Sometimes I really doubt I can sleep early, unless you know, you're super-duper exhausted until you can fall asleep when eating your dinner.LOL. seriously I tried that before.

My dad keep on pressing on issues of health, yet Im like my mind wont register anything and my signature habit will be sleeping off during day time, any boring or unimportant moment or when you dont wanna give a damn about anything happening around you. That's when I will automatically shut myself down, just like throwing a switch... easy as that. Bizarre, huh? and when night descends, I will share the early minutes of dawn with countless insomniac or people who just force themselves not to sleep.It's a trend among teenagers today, the Y generation, yeap, the spoilt and unruly. Seriously, I will not give a thought about that, as long as Im doing my job okay, who cares about all that ? wait, I think this is not the point Im trying to say.

Anyway, Im not so sure where is this heading.... I just think that maybe I should try get this "insomnia" thing out of my life....yea. Who knows life will be much better when you sleep early? Haha.

Hey guys, I think you should all watch the music video of "If we ever meet again", a Timbaland featuring Katy Perry song. It's not that their singing really matters, what blows my mind off is the way the music video turns out, the intersecting scenes of the singers singing their stuffs and a related theme of real life people, a little bit dramatised. It's actually interesting and that really gives me inspiration. What do you think?

And yea, I guess you already read the annual school magazine and know there's an essay "Carmen" in the middle.Haha, talking about that, it's funny and I sooo wanna see the look on carmen's face. This is my thank you gift for going through the years with me, a thing to remember X) but seriously, that essay still needs MORE work and improvisations. Im still trying to construct something unique through the English language, so if you have any suggestion, you're most welcome~

Never-Ending

2010-11-05T00:49:00.000-07:00

Wait, I thought I got lots to say just now...where'd they all gone now?

Well, I took up Twitter like one month ago, well, not so sure why bother to register

maybe just curious. Or maybe bren is there :) and carmen kuei them too.Lols

I think I just followed a few people there.... partly because Im enjoying the new feeling of socializing.

Or maybe I don't wanna make it like Facebook... you know, it's a big messy world there.

Or maybe there ain't a social life out there, for me, at all. wadever. anyway it's not so different.

Finally finish reading Vampire Diaries, oh yea. haha =.=. you know how long was it since I got it from carmen?

You don't wanna know, trust me. It's pretty amazing how I can procrastinate something to that degree, or level,

however you wanna call it. But now the right mood is on, well I guess it's me to my book-loving self.

Yes, I thrive in books, it's my very first love since the dawn of ages.

There's no ending to my liking for that LinkinPark song, which's on the playlist now.

Cant stop listening. Just cant.

Nothing Special

2010-11-01T05:46:00.000-07:00

Ok, I admit the last post is just a total crap... what is really in my heart I shall post it here...

Life's like this, when something is not at the right place and right time, the most glamorous diamond won't shine too, you know. We encounter people, things, thoughts, inspiration, dreams, nightmare, and belief everyday.

There are people who hate you. Those who love you. Those who protect you. And those who will be with you.

There are things and thoughts that make you rise, make you smile, make you grow up... There are inspiration everywhere, amongst dreams and nightmares, that make up the core of your belief. You believe what you have faith in. But you can't believe blindly just to go with the flow or please someone. You have to be yourself, whether people hate you or love you. There's a saying like this: Say what you want and be who you are, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. These were the things in my head lately, making me think. You know, Im bad at expressing myself through words or language. Or emotion. Sometimes everything is just a poker face, fake and meaningless. But I don't make a poker face, I just keep everything in check, hoping that Im still the same person. But nothing is ever the same. I grow my belief, and I believe in what I truly believe. Ever since those years, everybody carries on and so do I... We change. Well, conclusively this post is just a splatter of mixed feelings and ideas. I try to jot those down so that one day I can still look back and discover the me as I am now. I hope this part of my memories won't die, the most fascinating and grueling part of all.

And have you ever try listening to one song and can't stop clicking the replay button? well, I really like that feeling, I get to experience the soul and meaning of it and seek inspiration from it. Try doing this, and I know most of you did this before, and maybe you'll make a certain discovery. This is another part of me that I won't allow to die.

Brick By Boring Brick

2010-11-01T04:49:00.000-07:00

What the, I cant believe this was the third time already I accidentally deleted all the stuff Im gonna post here.

It's hard work writing all those things out of my mind as it is continuously dying... Fine I'll just get over it.

Anyway, what Im gonna say in the deleted post was how the recent exams are gonna end but it just seem like my sis is already in holiday mood. Yea, I can't believe she can use my laptop like it's her own from morning until almost dinner time... watching Gossip Girls. It's supposed to be me who's doing all those things, right? I mean, it's my holiday time already and if Im not gonna enjoy it as much as I can now then by the time holiday arrives there may be no time and mood already. yeap, this is typical, ordinary me in holiday mode. Unlike some of my friends, they're facing their turning-point-of-secondary school life-exam in November, I just sincerely wish they're healthy, sharp, happy, and no more. It's the best remedy to overcome the worst of nightmare and the best of living hell, don't you agree? Bless you all~

I like this song___

Brick By Boring Brick Lyrics_Paramore

She lives in a fairy tale

Somewhere too far for us to find

Forgotten the taste and smell

Of the world that she's left behind

It's all about the exposure the lens I told her

The angles were all wrong now

She's ripping wings off of butterflies

keep your feet on the ground

when your head's in the clouds

Well go get your shovel

And we'll dig a deep hole

To bury the castle, bury the castle

Well go get your shovel

And we'll dig a deep hole

To bury the castle, bury the castle

Ba da ba ba da ba ba da

So one day he found her crying

Coiled up on the dirty ground

Her prince finally came to save her

And the rest you can figure out

But it was a trick

And the clock struck twelve

Well make sure to build your home brick by boring brick

or the wolf's gonna blow it down

keep your feet on the ground

when your head's in the clouds

Well go get your shovel

And we'll dig a deep hole

To bury the castle, bury the castle

Well you built up a world of magic

Because your real life is tragic

Yeah you built up a world of magic

If it's not real

You can't hold it in your hand

You can't feel it with your heart

And I won't believe it

But if it's true

You can see it with your eyes

Oh even in the dark

And that's where I want to be, yeah

Go get your shovel

We'll dig a deep hole

To bury the castle, bury the castle

Well go get your shovel

and we'll dig a deep hole

To bury the castle, bury the castle

Guys x2:

ba da ba ba da ba ba da......

Hayley x2:

ba da ba ba da ba ba da.....

No Regrets, yea

2010-10-20T22:59:00.000-07:00

Life, what is it? is it a dog? or a fish? or a candy-nation? or a freaking forest in the middle of nowhere?

Now what Im crapping about? the truth is, I just couldn't find better ways to start off this post

the mornings and nights are a lot more tiring, with the chances of me dozing off or naping in the sofa

rocketed up to unimaginable heights.... It's so empty man, what it means to be a pathetic loser?

Somehow, it's very troubling, but I've been struggling a lot more nowadays, mostly over : what is more important?

Days after PMR blah blah is freaking boring, come on now, couldn't it be any worse?

I know I know, I have lots of works to do, but the ignition point juz disappeared itself, without a trace.

no thrust, thus no distance; no distance, hell Im dead....

Temporary emotion disorder or what? get out of this body! I'll get back soon, anyways

Meanwhile, friends are starting to take up tuitions on Form4 subjects. Seriously?

Preparing the Umbrella before a storm.... good choice, but somehow my instincts told me this is sick.

Who I am to say? well, I am nobody to say this, I just pray you good lucks and don't get self-destructed

by the so-high-and-mighty Form4 subjects.... I mean, the pressure. Unwind, guys!

Still going school, you know, play sports. Well, a simple sport can certainly teach you lotsa things,

if you get what I mean. Seeing things clearer can be hurting but rewarding... a new perspective of my life

I just got to say Hi to it, so sweet ! I know I suck, I know, but problem isnt anything, just be a part of the solution. These days the ghost of my past is getting back to bite at me, but you know what,

Looking to the bright-o-Shiny tomorrow is certainly better than sobing over past mistakes and so on...

I have a life, my own life, and with resolution to be always better is now my new philosophy.

Enjoy life guys, whether you like it or not, cuz life is just another ride, Love it or loathe it, you hop on and scream and got off smiling or crying, with no regrets.

Something Bout Faith 2nd part: now this explains my partial doubts but also threw me off

2010-10-17T23:34:00.000-07:00

Now, the class continues...

(As the student was about the sit down, while the Professor slumped in his chair, another student got up ...)

Meursault: Whoa... wait just a second. I have something to say.

Student: I've just finished bashing the Professor and it's nearly lunch time, what more you have to say?

Meursault: Earlier, you said that cold is the absence of heat.

Student: Yeah, so?

Meursault: But before that you said there is no such thing as cold. So are you saying there is no such thing as the absence of heat?

Student: Wha-?

Meursault: You also said darkness is the absence of light and you said you cannot make darkness darker. Buf if you permit less light to enter a room, aren't you increasing the absence of light? If you're increasing the absence of light, aren't you increasing darkness? Therefore, aren't you making darkness darker?

Student: Well...

Meursault: You see, cold or hot, bright or dark, are just conventions people use to describe a situation. It's like asking someone "How old are you?" instead of asking "How much of the absence of youth have you endured?"

(The classroom breaks into laughter)

Meursault: Your word play carries no meaning at all.

Student: Yeah? What about good and evil?

Meursault: Again, good and evil are just conventions. If immorality is the absence of morality, you can just as correctly say that morality is the absence of immorality. Does that mean there is no such thing as morality?

Student: It's ridiculous to say that there is no morality!

Meursault: Exactly! Similarly, if evil is the absence of good, then good can also be defined as the absence of evil. Does it mean that there is no such thing as good?

Student: No way!

Meursault: So, just because you've accepted one convention, doesn't mean the opposite convention is wrong.

Student: But look at what's happening around us! Murders, rape, and stealing all because of the absence of God's moral code.

Meursault: Morality doesn't come from God. Some religious people have committed murders in the name of God. Just look at the events of 9/11. Likewise, non-religious people have also committed murders, but it is wrong to assume that without God, all humans are immoral.

Student: And why not? We're all sinners aren't we?

Meursault: We, humans, have an innate moral sense. In fact, even animals, such as chimps display moral ethics, though not as sophisticated as what we humans are capable of. We are all social creatures and we have arrived at a moral consensus that is widely agreed upon and continuously evolving.

Student: It is evolving?

Meursault: Yes! The moral zeitgeist evolves. During Jesus' time, slavery was acceptable and women were accorded a lower status, but today, things are different. Similarly, racism is no longer acceptable in many parts of the world, today.

Student: Speaking of evolution, even the Professor has never observed it with his own eyes. Have you?

Meursault: I haven't, but we know now that evolution is observable. Various studies on bacteria and fruit fly have documented the slow, evolutionary change within a single species.

Student: But evolution is just a theory. It's not proven.

Meursault: Gravity is just a theory too. Relativity? Also a theory because no one can move at the speed of light. The atom? Just a theory, no one has ever seen it. Yet, based on insurmountable evidence, these theories are accepted with a high degree of certainty. Evolution too is supported by overwhelming evidence such as mutation, vestigial organs, embryology, fossil evidence, morphology and DNA evidence.

Student: How does this relate to God?

Meursault: Well, evolution does not prove that God doesn't exist, but it certainly redefines the role of a 'god' in this world. We now know that we don't need God to create new species, evolution by natural selection can take care of that. We also need to rethink our concept of Creation.

Student: Aren't there people who believe in evolution but also believe in God?

Meursault: Yes there are and I'm still learning about that. But you realise that this discussion is far from over?

Student: Yeah I suppose you're right. It is something to think about.

Meursault: Yup, that's why we're all here in university. We're here to learn! PROFESSOR!!!

(The Professor jumped out of his chair, surprised. He seemed to have dozed off during the later part of the discussion.)

Prof: Yes?

Meursault: I feel, we must question your ability to teach this class.

Prof (stuttering) : But... but... I... got my degree and doctorate from Universiti Malaya! It's the most prestigious university in Malaysia! It's even ranked in the top 100 universities in the world!

Meursault: Sorry Professor, but in 2006, University Malaya was ranked 192 in the THES World Rankings. The standard there has been gradually dropping for the past decade. And from the earlier discussion, you don't seem very knowledgeable and don't strike us as much of a thinker.

Prof (sounding dejected) : I... I.... oh alright. You caught me. I'm really not an atheist. I just like to bully people. I'm not even a real professor. I only passed my degree because I cheated on my exams. I downloaded my doctoral thesis and passed it up as my own. The university awarded me a PhD for inadequate work... who was I to refuse? The government is over-zealous in handing out advanced degrees to make up the numbers, so I just take-lah! I am sorrie.... I will resign and let someone else take over this class.

(And with that, everyone left for lunch...)

THE END

Something Bout Faith

2010-10-16T11:08:00.000-07:00

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem Science has with God, The Almighty.

He asks one of his new students to stand and.....
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
(Student is silent.)
Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fellow. Is God good?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Is Shaitan good?
Student: No.
Prof: Where does Shaitan come from?
Student: From...God.. .
Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.
Prof: So who created evil?
(Student does not answer.)
Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness?
All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them?
(Student has no answer.)
Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you.
Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God?
Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat.
But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat,
But we can't go any further after that.
There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold.
Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)
Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....
But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't.
If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality.
You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God.
You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure.
Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class is in uproar.)
Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?
No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable. )
Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student: That is it sir... The link between Man & God is FAITH.
That is all that keeps things moving & alive...

Moving On [ Waiting For the End Remix]

2010-10-13T23:03:00.000-07:00

Actually I already typed a super-long post on tuesday night

but you know, Blogger went wrong and my post just disappeared without a trace

since then I had difficulties retype anything yet

procrastination? maybe the effects of the aftermath of PMR is still not over yet

But you know, everybody needs to get down to earth soon... there's more to be done.

Ok so what am I doing here now? of course I'm typing a new post =.= yea I knw, I'm lame

Well, 2 days without going school and sleep-until-the-sun-is-in-the-middle-of-the-sky is NOT that good

I'm just abandoning my duties and all that, so well, I decided I need a new aim.

A new resolve to begin life from now on.

Whether in the past I had provoke you or hurt you, I'm sincerely sorry, but I have to

you know, look forward too. The sky is still too far within my reach, so I might as well try to fly

If I'm planning to get stuck here like, forever, then maybe this is the end of everything already.

So instead, I decided to move on.

A new hope to work on.

A new dawn to arrive.

Hope everybody moving on, too =)

I know you will.

Here's a little song I wanna share

Linkinpark's new song"Waiting For the End" included in the new album"A Thousand Suns"

I really like this song.... it feels close to me

This is not the end

This is not the beginning,

Just a voice like a riot

Rocking every revision

But you listen to the tone

And the violet rhythm

Though the words sound steady

Something empty's within 'em

We say Yeah!

With fists flying up in the air

Like we're holding onto something

Thats invisible there,

Cuz we're living at the mercy of

The pain and the fear

Until we dead it, Forget it,

Let it all dissapear.

Waiting for the end to come

Wishing I had strength to stand

This is not what I had planned

It's out of my control....

Flying at the speed of light

Thoughts we're spinning in my head

So many things were left unsaid

It's hard to let you go...

(Oh!) I know what it takes to move on,

I know how it feels to lie,

All I wanna do

Is trade this life for something new

Holding on to what I haven't got

Sitting in an empty room

Trying to forget the past

This was never meant to last,

I wish it wasn't so...

(Oh!) I know what it takes to move on,

I know how it feels to lie,

All I wanna do

Is trade this life for something new

Holding on to what I haven't got

What was left when that fire was gone?

I thought it felt right but that right was wrong

All caught up in the eye of the storm

And trying to figure out what it's like moving on

And i don't even know what kind of things I've said

My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead

So, picking up the pieces, now where to begin?

The hardest part of ending Is starting again!!

All I wanna do

Is trade this life for something new

Holding on to what i haven't got...

This is not the end

This is not the beginning,

Just a voice like a riot

Rocking every revision

But you listen to the tone

And the violet rhythm

Though the words sound steady

Something empty's within 'em

(Holding on to what i haven't got)

We say Yeah!

With fists flying up in the air

Like we're holding onto something

Thats invisible there,

Coz we're living at the mercy of

The pain and th fear

Until we dead it, Forget it,

Let it all dissapear

(Holding on to what i haven't got!)

WowW

2010-09-28T05:10:00.000-07:00

These unbelievable chalk drawings are created by Julian Beever and Kurt Wenner. The illustrations become illusions when looking from the correct distance and exact angle. Viewing from any other position will make the artwork unrecognizable. This genre of art in its raw form has been practiced since the 16th century formerly known as “Aux Trois crayons”. With the passage of time it has evolved into something very unique and amazing.

Julian Beever is an English, Belgium-based chalk artist who has been creating trompe-l’œil chalk drawings on pavement surfaces since the mid-1990s. His works are created using a projection called anamorphosis, and create the illusion of three dimensions. Kurt Wenner is from Ann Arbor , Michigan and along with chalk illustrations also creates public and private commissioned oil paintings, murals, sculpture and architecture all over the world.

Here is a collection of our favorites from these two entitled 15 Awesome Chalk Illustrations by Julian Beever and Kurt Wenner.

Temporary Harbour....??

2010-09-23T07:51:00.000-07:00

Thanks So So So So much....

I'm very glad that you decided to let your feelings pour

although that doesn't really imply anything,

but it's far far far better than the previous situation

Im keeping my promise I swear

for this is a friend who I cant let loose and a true friend in heart that I seek

I know this very well, every night that place you have in this heart of mine

it just doesn't feel right that way.Sincerely seriously.

And Happy sweet Fifteen too =)

About Simplicity

2010-09-16T07:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes thinkin that simple people lead better lives

no complicated misunderstandings, overexaggerated egotism
simple people see things with ease, with tender and care
they don't know how to and don't want to know the scenes behind
they tend to only see things first-sightedly as they are
they don't want to know the meaning under the skin

they cannot see everything
the truth often bloody and disgusting, but always shows itself as delicate and fantastic

Sometimes simple people are much more disadvantageous in social life
or so they used to say, simple people see simple things
they only see things that their eyes can comprehend
other opportunities thus, are lost to those more slick and cunning ones
they are often branded 'stupid' by those self-proclaimed intellect
but as to me, simplicity.... I just knew that, simplicity is all I ever wanted.

Just how I wish life is not so topsy-turvy and the road is not so distorted

Instead getting a wish like that granted

all I can do is just stand there and stare
as the all-consuming, complex dilemma and conflict slowly burns me up
leaving ashes .....getting blew away by wind and leaving nothing.

2010-09-15T07:16:00.001-07:00

渐行渐远了。。。

上次那一种感觉

又涌上心头。。。

这世界在搞什么？

是我的错吗？

Dreamin

2010-09-14T05:23:00.000-07:00

Disturbing dreams again.....

Sometimes gotta think it over and try recalling

there's something awfully, scarily familiar in those dreams

and sometimes feel like a prophecy

what is it with me? is this normal?

Currently reading Vampire Diaries...

borrowed from Carmen for so long already, haha

Dont feel like touching those books, really

Kinda glad the damned PMR is finally closing in

Mum's startin to nag ad.... I feel stupidly lost.

Just lost...

Wings

2010-09-13T03:51:00.000-07:00

hey peers im here again

currently trying to bring my life back on track

despite the approaching tasks and so on

Im still here wasting precious time without doing anything

will seek motivation once again

looking back I realized its been so long

since I had this "square one" feelings.

we are born with wings

every single one of us

its just a matter of qualities, values

to decide whether we'll be flying or not.

So, instead of longing to fly in the sky

I will try to fly with my own wings

ignoring the currents and obstacles

riding on the wind, on the hurricane road.

倒带

2010-09-12T08:11:00.000-07:00

人生在倒带中。。。
我在这写的东西很混乱对吧？
哈哈可能用华语些比较清楚
毕竟我也不懂自己写了些什么有的没的
或许潜意识我也不想把东西弄清楚吧
不想不想
这几天也不知做了什么
睡醒过后下午又来午觉
似乎就这样迷失了自己
这几天发了好多奇怪的梦
是不是在暗示什？
也不懂该写些什么。。。下次吧

Disillusioned Solo

2010-09-10T17:46:00.000-07:00

Whether or not the reality or truth

is as you had said be4

that still wont change my will and feelings

though there's some twitching sense of jealousy in the deepest core

but to me, everything's still the same

she had not changed at all.

he had not changed at all.

But still, shouldering my burdens to fly

my wings seem heavy

the sky is kinda further away

in this dawn of romance where my missing piece

where I still cant retrieve it.

Time O time

when will be the right time?

Always, I cant seem to arrive at the right stop

hesitating

but you are indeed still my sole motivation n thrust

my life is made to shine n strive its only because of you

without you

my life hold no meaning

the stars seem to fall

the mist obscuring my way

Maybe,Maybe

the time to find a new meaning, purpose, dream

has arrived.

Knowing that there's nothing coming out from this ever

tiring hesitation and aimless dreams.

these that chain me to the ground.

2010-09-03T05:45:00.000-07:00

Happy Happy Birthday O~~

may God Bless you and I will bless you too !

haha, have a nice day, sleep tight, sweet dreams

and have a nice trip to your ANTS!!

To My Beloved you~~~

Fade [Endless Galaxy Remix]

2010-08-30T23:05:00.000-07:00

Everything's been in a rush

as the scense and images blurred by

and unconsciously me starting to let loose everything

in front of me is a world too dark yet too seductive

A cup of latte oozing steam and frangance

the afternoon sky seems oddly familiar yet too faraway

yes, everything's been faraway... on an unknown island

I stare

hands locked together

thoughts mixed and soul ricocheting off my frame

words unable to describe

mind too complicated to decipher

as I look upon this vast endless sky

and this laid-back cozy town

I pray and wish and hope

to this sky that knows me not.

[Embraced by this sky, it hurts even more]

201

2010-08-29T06:09:00.000-07:00

This is my 201th post.

Almost a year since I started blogging,

so much has been happening

so much has been sealed in memories

and so much has been forgotten.

So much has changed

I've gotta admit that....

Everything from my eyes to my toes.

It's changed.

Sigh, cant believe I'd grown old so rapidly.

About this life I'm in

it's not like I really hate it

but something inside me is still hollow and empty

despite the flair and contentment I had been pursuing all along

Too much has been achieved, yet even more has yet to be achieved.

I seek pleasure in my achievement, and yet

how can I define my achievement? just how, even I'm lost.

Anyway, Life kills us all, no matter how or where or when.

That very special day,

I had this peculiar yet hypocritical dream.

I thought you and me had been reunited, the cracks on our heart

no where to be seen. I cant tell how happy and joyous I was back then.

It's so nostalgic..... so far away now.

after realizing it's just another dream... my world almost crumble.

After so many months, is it because of my pride that I cant give in?

Yet, what am I giving in to? there's no clear line between right or wrong in this matter

I just knew that very day you sms me,

Nothing can be found back again.Never.....

I just wished time could flow back... but I have to face reality, too...

Those that had been forgotten,

I cant do anything but mopped

that sense of incontentment and guilty heart,

how I wish I could be back to square one again with you...

not like now, my heart aching exaggeratingly, although nothing show on the surface

although everything would be different, I just wish....

Where is my endless sky?

I really hate those friggin' brats

especially those who like to stain other people's dignity

and just think that they're the best and the mighty

get lost man, nobody needs your arrogance here.

all we need is a serene and peaceful atmosphere where we can smile

not with you destroying the scene.Amigos~

Lastly, my ever changing routine fashion

with no consistent pace and steps

Im searching for my ideal style.... still in the process.

Im getting rid of this style of life,

which brought so much in life... whether sad, jubilant or lonely

I can still go on with a renewed heart and mind,

with strengthened resolve and ambition,

I wont let loose my dream.

this Dazzling Twilight Dream.

2010-08-27T05:46:00.001-07:00

Your smile is so sweet,

cant pull myself away from intoxication.....

Place Of Arrival [Achievement Of Flawless Unity]

2010-08-25T07:40:00.000-07:00

Nothing will be left

recurring dreams causing mass concussion

in the midst of fantasies

where I can barely grasy any specks of reality

my very conscience is fighting for liberty

with the cataclysms pressing in for dignity

But

it's just as such

Nothing will be left

as I watch mournfully

with undescribable heart and thoughts

sadism, my only feeling

the end of this Dazzling Twilight Dream.

Well,

this place is idling and deserted

day by day

as I finally have came to light

the truth and final revelations

at that place of arrival.

Yes, my time is not far,

that bridge needed to link my soul

to the place of arrival

I just need one feeling of unity

to achieve it.

Be it the achievement of Hard Work

Be it the pinnacle of wisdom

Be it the Achievement of Flawless Unity.

It's all, not far away

I can see it again, in my hands.

Let God beshine on me,

I will arrive there and then

Everything won't be the same.

Again.

2010-08-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

When something reaches its boiling point

maybe it's just too late.

But I hope here, in my cosy home where I belong

things can be turned....

because it's not just simply heartborken and sad and down and empty

to endure this..... although I tried my best to cover it up

my poker face. It sucks, right?

Hope everything ..... will be fine.

God BLess Us.

Something Bout Love [David Archleta]

2010-08-14T09:08:00.003-07:00

Every night it’s all the same
You’re frozen by the phone
You wait, something’s changed
You blame yourself every day
You’d do it again
Every night

There’s something ’bout love
That breaks your heart
Whoa oh oh oh
It sets you free

There’s something ’bout love
That tears you up
Whoa oh oh oh
You still believe
When the world falls down like the rain
It’ll bring you to your knees
There’s something ’bout love that breaks your heart
Whoa oh oh oh…
But don’t give up
There’s something ’bout love

When you were young
Scared of the night
Waiting for love to come along
And make it right
Your day will come, the past is gone
So take your time
And live and let live

There’s something ’bout love
That breaks your heart
Whoa oh oh oh
It sets you free

Don’t fight
Don’t hide
Those stars in your eyes (in your eyes)
Let em’ shine tonight
Let em’ shine tonight

Hang on
Hang in
For the ride of your life
It’s gonna be alright
Hold on tight

There’s something ’bout love
That breaks your heart
Whoa oh oh oh

There’s something ’bout love
That breaks your heart
Whoa oh oh oh
It sets you free

There’s something ’bout love
That tears you up
Whoa oh oh oh
You still believe
When the world falls down like the rain
It’ll bring you to your knees (to your knees)
There’s something ’bout love that breaks your heart
Whoa oh oh oh…
But don’t give up
There’s something ’bout love

Whoa oh oh oh..
Set’s you free
There’s something bout love
That tears you up
Whoa oh oh oh
You still believe
When the world falls down like the rain

Fallen Dazzling Twilight Dream [ Reminiscing Blues Remix]

2010-08-11T08:11:00.000-07:00

has been isolating this blog lately....

my passion and the substance within the soul,

bits by bits it's becoming hollow,

what happened to my indulgence in this self-actualization?

what happened to the twilight of senses that yet has not been able to settle, even though

under multitudinous and trumpeting circumstances?

and it's because of these unfolding chains of gruesome events

that makes me wonder where did the once bewitched and bewildered

heart had vanished, the once soulful medium that's still responding to the moment of truth,

leaving me breathless, awed and enraptured,

until the moment the flames of emotion well-being gone out....

and since then, that gap gradually expanding and melting up my very existence,

leaveing behind a hole too big to fill, too deep to even see through, and too fearsome to even touch

I say,

this lifelong endeavor is my turing point of salvation,

my atonement for the sins commited since long,

blazed by the shifting of eras and amplified by the devastating atmosphere,

and my duty to redeem myself has yet to be accomplished...

till the dawn of apocalypse will I start to yell out with sheer bliss,

as if the very sense of contentment, which I sought and sought,

no where to be found ....... yet It's just within the reach of fingertips

has been back to where it's originally positioned.

All that is needed is your thoughts and feelings combined together,

for a supernova- scale collision that overthrows and obliterate everything,

for the true and final answer to show itself.

As all this comes down to everything or nothing,

the true answer to my question has not been able for me to comprehend

at least not at this stage where inner- conflicts and devils loom,

but last but not least,

I pledge for a true bond to be bind, connected and locked,

as I wonder,

what has happened to my Dazzling Twilight Dream?

2010-08-09T04:41:00.000-07:00

getting and getting more irritated by your attitude
even though we look like we're hardcore friends and that,
but deep inside I don't know what you think
but I'm telling you this:
I won't see you as a true friend
and will never always unless you change your attitude.
In my defination of "friend",
I think you got it all wrong.
Just shut up and look after yourself will you?
don't always go around pei si or do harmful things to your friends
especially your words
totally stupid ..... so watch out for youself bah.
Because I'm not the only one feeling like this.
Maybe in the first place,
you never see us as a true friend....
well, if that's what you want, you 'll get that.
I will pretend to be your "friend" and play along with you though
and let me see what you can do.
you jerk.

Striving For ......?

2010-08-05T00:56:00.000-07:00

Piano exam ...... er

duh. haha.

certainly not having a good time there

overall maybe not so bad but in my perspective,

It sucks.

haiz.

Anyway, am glad it's finally over

whatever the result is, I promised myself

I wont regret. because this was the outcome over these months.

of course, I'm not that kind that practises often....

so I cant and wont blame anybody~~

Looking forward to the future is my task now.

Now one thing is down, I should go for the school exams ....

If I dont wanna start flipping my books now,

I can foresee a pretty ugly .........er.... Finale.

haha.

Ciaosss...

I Have A Dream [ Acoustic Atmosphere Remix]

2010-07-30T06:15:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been dreaming much

especially when I'm napping in the late afternoons

Aikss... can't control.. will always sleep during afternoons

a long period one... almost until dinner time

making me cant done anything...

my life is in ruins already haha

ops I'm getting carried away ad...

this post is about my dreams

when sleeping ...

I will have strange and fascinating dreams

and everytime it's not a happy ending

nor a sad one

juz simple and ...... scary. hahaha

I remembered one from then

arrived at an amusement park unconsciously

the fog was blinding and the whole place

sounded like a forbidden abandoned wonderland of hell

but the truth is there's nothing scary

while I'm there... I had a true and genuine feeling of

extreme loneliness

It's as if I'm the last man on eart. or something like that.

then soon I started to have vivid yet vague flashbacks

in between there's something odd and uncomprehensible....

and after that... had flashforwards.... not the future I think... but kind close to it.

and the strage thing is

everytime I wake up

I'll be reminded of it.... and it's strangely related to the issues in my life

and part of the solution is in my dreams.

So, do you still think dreaming is a waste of time and rubbish?

nope, dreaming sure is a part of my strange life.

Amidst reality, many say dreams are escapade for the pain and uncertainty in real life

but to me, it's more like my own prophecy ..... a really , really strange yet fascinating one.

So, do you like dreaming?

Magic in the Air [ Heroes Hearts Remix]

2010-07-23T02:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes

when you are down

out

lonely

terrified

unsurmountable

moody

...

and when your phone rings

a message blinking

your heart tells you it's that person

that always knocks at the door of your heart

with her arrival

vanquishing all hollowness and every bit of loneliness

coming all the way to grab your soul

trying to comfort your mind and emotions

keeping your inner monsters and devils in check

...

you will experience a sudden ecstacy and bliss

as if that's what you're waiting for your whole life

as if that's the purpose you're here

the unpredictable waves of tears and joy hit the shore of your sky

as if it's the last time

as if tomorrow I'm not going to find out

the peculiar touching sensation that tingles your emotion

and suddenly, everything will be alright.

Try looking out

who's knocking at your door?

Because when you know that message blinking with that all too familiar

"Hey Soul Sister" tone in the air

you know everything's possible with boundless eternity.

You will smile and laugh and forget the sorrow

So remember

don't let that person go... you'll regret yourself your whole life.

What is Happiness?

Happiness is when my phone blinks and a blessed smile appears on the composure

you, and me.

About Stupidity and Lacking Self-Conscious

2010-07-20T06:17:00.000-07:00

This post is about a girl who I've known for a damn long time

since Primary 2? wadever ~

and by the look of things I bet you can guess I'm not gonna praise her

nor saying how much she means to me as a friend

nor saying how I feel about her

Er yes.. maybe it's about how I feel about her,

but certainly, I bet you're so right....

because bingo !!! I gonna post something kinda like an ultimatum here.

She's a girl next class,

a quite childish and fussy and ..... troublesome girl.

her birthday was yesterday....

I'm being too kind and all that to planned and gave a present to her.

Instead of getting a heart-warming, respectful and sweet "Thank you"

how dare you say something like "don't call me 38婆 again " as I was juz joking

and " don't say rude words to YOUR ELDERS"

and " fundamentally, you ( referring me ) are elder but IN MY WAY OF THINKING,

I (referring her) AM ELDER THAN YOU"

normally,

I wont give a damn about this .... I'm not so small - hearted and easily getting mad

but this time, it's a bit too over, especially when it's your birthday

and I get over all the fuss just to prepare some present for you.

after all the damn trouble, what did I get?

you making fun of me?

First of all, do you know what's respect? or dignity?

kidding or not, I really dont like you saying like that...

It's a reflection of you excessive self- conscious personality

and a narrow point of view in your perspective

giving people the impression you are lacking the ability to know your place.

and to mess up with people like ME

you are digging your own grave, literally.

So, stop all your crappy nonsense and I dont care if you are my 10- years friend

or 100 or 1000 years friend

someone who dont even know his or her place dont deserve

me putting you in my conscience and treating you as a true friend

No offence in this post,

just to let you know : Please stop.

Or else you're dead meat.

Pinnacle Of Perfection [ Soul Diva Remix ]

2010-07-13T06:39:00.000-07:00

Have been reading a book

which I had borrowed fron you long time ago

title is You hold a piece of me no matter who you are with (cant type chinese)

I like this book la. makes me don't wanna do anything else.

Or I should rather say, I like everything you borrow me.

Everything, no matter books or what

just as simple as that

no explaination no reason

I love everything.

and I'm so glad to have you by my side

Maybe the gap is getting wider whereas I didn't notice it....

but no matter what,

I always seek to accompany you, to heal you where I can,

to share with you, to connect with you.

Heart and Soul

Despite the fact that I'm losing myself every other day

Despite the fact that I always can't recognize myself day by day

Despite the fact that I'm always asking myself who am I?

Who am I? That's my internal struggle I hold for a long time

I'm nobody,

but it's YOU that makes me somebody.

the realization, the enlightenment, the aspiration

everything related to you makes me know how to fight

how to care for others

how to change

how to live.....

Despite the fact I largely fail at most...

What is unbreakable bond?

you said you know

but do you really see the meaning in between?

it's not something the words can tell

because for me,

that's the pinnacle of perfection , essence of love

devouring the soul of each other, together makes something miraculous.

That's the real meaning behind everything.

you don't have to understand everything

you just have to know that

and I'll always ignore the growing sense of dread and gap-ness

all I ever wanted is to be with you.

a.dazzling.twilight.dream [橘梦物语]

Burial Applicant

Better man

Starry Night Sky

Lost Tower

Distance

Hanabi

Pledge

Vortex

Silly God Disco

Chizuru

To be or not to be, THAT is the question

Untitled

So cold.

Brave Heart

寂寞是永不结束的邂逅

Sometimes.Something.Somebody...Everything?

Reminiscence Of Last November

Im waiting for that day

Starting point

Reignition and Trepidation

Oh Just Let me Die ==

Where is the...

SunBurn

After the storm

28 + 10

^^

Rocketeer

♥

Form 4.....?

The Other End of Rainbow is where Love Begins

三本

A Christmas For Three [Midnight Medley Remix]

For You

Sometimes Sometimes

Little Planets

Why I Have to Scream

Untold Story

Dont keep your guard tightsurely you're meant to fly in that sky somedayjust let it go, let your feelings flowno matter how hard you stumblethere'll be somebody there for you.]

So Deep

The Reason

Life in Slow-Motion

Never-Ending

Nothing Special

Brick By Boring Brick

No Regrets, yea

Something Bout Faith 2nd part: now this explains my partial doubts but also threw me off

Something Bout Faith

Moving On [ Waiting For the End Remix]

WowW

Temporary Harbour....??

About Simplicity

Dreamin

Wings

倒带

Disillusioned Solo

Fade [Endless Galaxy Remix]

201

Place Of Arrival [Achievement Of Flawless Unity]

Something Bout Love [David Archleta]

Fallen Dazzling Twilight Dream [ Reminiscing Blues Remix]

Striving For ......?

I Have A Dream [ Acoustic Atmosphere Remix]

Magic in the Air [ Heroes Hearts Remix]

About Stupidity and Lacking Self-Conscious

Pinnacle Of Perfection [ Soul Diva Remix ]

Dont keep your guard tight
surely you're meant to fly in that sky someday
just let it go, let your feelings flow
no matter how hard you stumble
there'll be somebody there for you.]