Sometimes.Something.Somebody...Everything?

Somtimes, when you feel like it's gonna be the end of something.

Somebody there to lend you her ears is enough for everything that will come the way.

Everything.

Life's so sucked up these days, I had no time to finish everything because...well, Im THE procrastinator and lazy-bug. and my dad's health is getting worse, the coughing won't just stop....:( Get well, strong man...I know you will. and sorry for every disobedience and tantrum I had thrown at you, sorry. and Happy father's day :)

Reminiscence Of Last November

If life is harsh and love's fragile

Why even bothering to perserve? 

If it's so easily destructible and hypocritical

what's the purpose we're even here in the first place?

The world, it's a dark place. From the vintage days of the past

when I reminisced of the neon lights, flickering almost lonely in the black of dead night

When desolate lands and abandoned Carousel is the only light and warmth

when back then we're still ignorant of this world, what is in my mind? can I still remember?

The neon lights radiate hollow and artificial glare, almost like it's alien but yet again almost like a starlight.

Im always chasing the starlight, from then till now, 

I vow to do it until the end of my life. But is it worth it anymore? when everything's blank

and hope no longer is in sight, so why is it that I will continue to chase the starlight?

The november days, the ones that's so ancient and so far away. 

Is it last november that I started to really see the starlight? 

Or is it neon lights that's been deceiving me all the time? 

So cold, so lonely.

The carousel.

Did it stop right under the moon or behind the sunset? 

I can't remember. So does everything fall apart because I no longer chase the starlight?

But somehow I can't stop the thoughts to stray, to a galaxy where I know there's somebody out there

Somebody out there for me.

It's June already.

Everytime there's a meteor that shower by against a backdrop of constellation starlights

Who, will be by my side and remind me to make a wish?

It's June already. 

I shutted all doors, clamped down all memories, cut off all lingering emotions

so that I can move on.
But apparently, Im born for something that can't be forgotten no matter what.

Starlight. 

Remembered from the november days, from a far far away time that I remembered 

something had been left behind.

Something.

Im waiting for that day

So messed up.

I've been feeling this sense of unrest for almost....half of this year.

So many times, I had felt that I had found something important, something I worth living for.

But so many times, I had ended up questioning my faith. What had I been doing? and what had I live for?

It's a Friday. woke up at 3pm and stared at my phone's wallpaper. essentially trying to recall what had happened while Im asleep. But of course, I couldn't remember it...I had been wasting my time. My head ached like the ends of hell. How am I gonna end all this? 

Need a heart that is ever-appreciating and always believing. So far, I just need a solution to my problems. Am I greedy? I feel a little bit already. No, I should never think about so much things at once...focusing on a goal is the best way for me to move forward.

Well, enough with the negativity already. The first week had been meaningful, to say the least. It's not that I had not been expecting, but I never really dreamt I could blend in and had tonnes of fun :D All this while, Im just chasing everybody's back and tracing your footsteps. So if Im really after happiness, I need to make a trail myself. Nice kem kepimpinan....had lot's of memories with my fellow friends. Thanks for everything :D Now maybe it's a little bit too late about this...but I somehow feel I need to remember this. and then there's the trip to Genting with my band....as always, it's indescribable. haha xD maybe Im exaggerating it, but I like the feeling when we're all in this together. The sentimental feeling and togetherness and craziness is priceless. So Im feeling hollow now because I missed those times so badly? Move on, man! 

Yeap, tomorrow is still there and I need to open my eyes and.....see the sunshine? so cliched xD

[ Sorry for all these while... I really wanna save it all. really. but there's something not right with me == I'll appreciate the time until the end....I really hope]