Burial Applicant

刚刚早上其实是吓醒的

妹妹已经跟小瓜们去吉隆波了
他们是为明天乐队的欢送会准备
这次我把欢送会交给小瓜们处理了
是时候让他们也成长了
虽然我有时觉得自己很弱
这里是指处理事情方面
话说星期六在槟城   晚上发生了很多事
这里就不多说了
只能说很感谢在危机时刻还有很多人帮手
那晚   其实该说是转机吧？
让小瓜们把他们觉得我本身的问题都说了出来
原来这段期间带领乐队   出了好多问题    
我本身觉得     我有在这假期做出成绩
只是过程和做决定的方式错了    
原来啊
再纠结过去的事物是没用了
我上位都快半年了
时间真的快不够了
只能全力以扑了    朋友们     为我祈祷吧
希望能把缺点改掉
我这个人最讨厌的就是留下遗憾   


我真的不想错过


说回早上吓醒
其实我算是做了个噩梦吧
我梦见了自己被送到一个岛屿上了
那里是不允许离开的     岛上的人是危险的
我依稀有印象    当我被送到岛屿过后     我先前的羁绊
一切回忆和曾经存在过的痕迹    
都消失不见了  
那时   我想起了好朋友们      
想到往后我就不在他们的记忆中了     连存在过的痕迹都不留
和他们的每个时刻     每个相处的片断    
都好像打从一开始就没存在过


想到都快崩溃了
然后我就醒来了
天空没有颜色     听到手机有信息的铃声
却依然躺在床上    可能心有余悸吧    
这一切是那么的真实     你想想看
当你知道你自己的存在只不过是谎言     
你会有什么感受？     


这个梦的意义     我并没有搞到很清楚
只不过我发现到     现实生活中      是变幻无穷的
下一秒发生的事     没有人知道       
不想自己的人生那么快被遗忘
虽然打从一开始人类已注定是短暂的一个转瞬即逝


差别只在于    
你想不想在这短暂的转瞬即逝
改变这个世界

DECEMBER ALREADY MAN!!
This december is one of my fullest month =) By fullest I mean that everything I do is meaningful and all the hard works finally paid off ~there's nothing happier than achieving your goal. I'm nt gonna elaborate on everything, if you wanna know what I'd been doing just check out my Facebook, hahaha. Anyway it's one of the times that I truly feel alive, and by alive I mean I am really grateful for everything, everybody around me and live life to the fullest everyday. By some point in november I was really emo and moody, and I felt that life really sucked. Literally. and I felt that my life was going down....but then everything changed and I was glad for it. 

So, don't look down on yourself, a human has infinite possibilities, if you truly believe in yourself, and add up your hard work and determination, you'll see the wonderful gifts of life. It's been a long time that I had struggled. 2011 was not a good year for me. I thought that everything was over. But then I'm Sze Han. I wouldn't go down so easily. I have a bunch of truly caring friends and sometimes I almost cried because I realized I still have so many good friends who are willing to share my sorrow and share my burden. From now on, I'll never be looking back, I'll try to cherish my life and everything around me. Thanks everybody for being by my side all those days, I can't find words to describe my gratitude for you =)





Anyway, Sze Han will rock on again =D I hope so ><

Better man

最近过得蛮充实的

虽然具体来说也说不出为什么

这个假期过得很快，快得我现在才发现已经要十二月了

而这个假期我都在干嘛呢?

我正干着一份工   是在Celcom Blue Cube打工的

嗯  真的很幸运我做了这份工

工作环境很不错  老板他们是严了点啦

工作时间也蛮长的   每一天都要去

我现在的问题是很难平衡做工和去乐队的时间

两边走有时真的会喘不过气    而且久了不懂健康会不会搞砸

不过确实也值得的 况且诗意有陪我做工

益辉,美萱和可欣也都在附近做

至少不会寂寞^^

所以其实我应该很感恩的

做了这份工   得到了社会经验  同时发现自己的弱点

说真的我弱点还蛮多的><不过为了薪水

为了想买的东西

我只有加油了  哈哈

这样的日子很快就过去了

再过不久又是新的一年了

我不想中学生涯的最后一次清闲假期就这样浪费了

因为我很多朋友都是在家吃喝玩乐  哈哈

其实我也想那样   不过我觉得是时候转换心态了

尝试新的东西会提升自己:) 还有最近做事也越来越有感觉了

生活也不会那么颓废了   

中四可以说是我最失败的一年   除了成绩很烂

也白白过了那么一年   虽然当中我觉得我成长了

也有很多很棒的回忆^^

最近也想了好多东西

要发觉世界的真理   真的很复杂

我是不是要傻了? ==

一直想些成人才会去想的事情

比如说世界的各种环境问题

还有活着的意义 哈哈哈 ==

最近又看到一个在fb的东西

说: Life is something to do when you're not sleeping

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈

很对其实    人生只不过是如此

或许    不去想太多人生真的会比较好过

就像我的很多身边的人  活得安乐

只不过我总觉得这样的日子.....有些缺少了什么

说道做事有了感觉

不过其实还是有很多不足   我的情况呢

是在很劣势的环境下必须成功

这里有一部分是指乐队的事   现在在很努力的想办法带好它

这个很多回忆和我成长的地方  虽然到了目前已经有些东西遗失了

不过我没有选择   我必须坚持

'''不然我只不过是如此而已'''   哈哈我很喜欢这句话

是海贼王里索隆vs熊那里的对白

或许这就是我成长必经之路    

那样想的话   很多负面想法都会没了哈哈

还有  她><

最近几天她电话没钱了    开始坐立不安了==

我是在想念她吗   根本就是吧

星期六她要去台湾了

会想她吧 ><

我的这份情感会长久吗?

现在要说还很难吧

而且又得知了一件事   希望不是真的

我喜欢的她   或我的兄弟    这种选择我觉得我做不了

但我是摩羯座啊

我是李思翰 :)

如果我不对自己有信心   我不坚强

我早都垮了吧

那我就什么都不是  只不过是如此而已

><

Starry Night Sky

魔羯座的人平时都酷酷的一丝不苟的样子，大部分时间都面无表情，让你完全猜不透他内心的想法，而且他们也很少说类似“我爱你”之类的甜言蜜语，在他们看来说这种话丢脸死了，所以通常是他心软或者中真的心动的时候，才会对你说这样的话，所以如果他们带着关爱的眼神对你说出“我爱你”的时候就是真的认定你是他后半生的唯一了。不过有时候这些话甚至要你跟他结了婚以后才有机会听到，比如说看到你为他打造的幸福家庭，他好感动，那一刻，他可能就会说出来了

也许你印象中的摩羯是现实且冷酷的，但是你一定没想到，当他们被热烈的感情所征服时，会变得很忘我很痴情，当他们真心倾慕一个人的时候，那份深藏在心底的爱才会迸发出来，而且这种爱会是一发而不可收拾，经久不衰，尤其摩羯们对爱人和家庭有着极强的责任感，他们忠诚的爱逼迫自己要尽快给情人一个温暖且安定的家，这样兼顾面包与理想的爱，的确让人感觉很幸福很窝心!

摩羯座总是一个外表给人冷酷的，而且吵架了，虽然很难哄，而且不是一个道歉就能解决的，即使说了很多好话，我想摩羯爱人都不会给你好脸色看的，但是她的行动却证明已经原谅你了，如果你出现了什么困难，遇到不开心的事情了，摩羯一定会及时的出现在你身边，为你分担解忧的。责任心的作用会原谅的。

这三段是她在聊天时要我读的~~她还问我生日><

嗯不知为何我觉得很准 :) 天下 魔羯都是那样的吗? 

希望不是吧   那我能保留我的那一点特别了

哈哈在这之前  有很多事发生了

不过我选择放在心里就好了

我还真的说出口了 ><我也很佩服自己

不过还是要谢谢你丫<3真的很感谢你....

以后还会继续喜欢你><

现在烦着乐队的事   我天生很懒惰.....我想要改变我这一点

一定可以的:)

Lost Tower

Cried today....to be exact, two streaks of tears streamed down my right cheek just now

I'm in the car, coming home from dinner. Today's my mum's bday

but during that time, I feel that my heart is so painful...so sorry mum, I'll prepare your present by tomorrow morning.

I'm sms-ing with her..then she told me somethings... maybe it's just that I didn't understand it

or she didn't mean it but I interpret it that way anyhow...so I cried silently in the car.

What would happen if dad saw my tears == I can't imagine.

It's too difficult to say, but I really didn't understand some parts...but if that's what she really wants,

I'll go with it...I was home after that, but I don't have any mood to do anything..

I just lie on the bed waiting for her messages...and chatting with Yik Fei...

I asked him about those love love things >< suddenly feel like asking...because he's experienced  XD

Walau you really understand me... you really pro == I didn't tell you anything at all you already know who that girl is...you even said you simply guessed one. == I choose to believe you...bro><

After that her message came, I straight go open my computer..haha~~then find her~

I somehow feel sorry, but I just wanted to understand those parts that're blurry...I still feel pain ><

but after that during the time talking to her, I feel relieved and happy again ><

I think I'm sot sot already.... haha ==! But what can I do, I miss her again....

Hope you get well soon ya...really miss the time when I'm just behind you.

haha I'm talking about the time we're descending down the mountains in Cameron.

I really feel like I can protect you, that time.

I still feel it now =) But right now the happiest thing for me is to accompany you and talk with you.

I'd feel happy just doing that. Maybe I shouldn't expect anything yet....but yik fei said, 

If you really like her, then you'll like her for anything or everything ( I translated from Chinese XD because we're sms-ing with chinese) something like that lar~~~ but I just want her to be happy can already...><

Distance

今天是个特别的日子

一大早起床先发信息给她

对于昨晚真的很在意..

本来她不想理我的~该怎么说~

自己活该吧 >< 不过后来没事了

真的很开心 

也知道了 原来心痛是这种感觉

噢我的天  回来后又信息了她

我觉得自己好像很烦

可是我想念她....又能怎样><

希望她别讨厌我我就很开心了

哈哈

今天去看那些年 果然好看~~~

真的很有意思....看到柯腾说他就是那么幼稚才能一直追沈佳仪

我想起了她...哈哈

心中竟然有种说不出的酸

我在想

如果她有一天不理我了我会怎么办

从出生以来我第一次有这种深深的情感==

她对我来说

真的很不一样...

我能看着她的照片  傻笑好久好久

做什么都在想着她

顺着她

逗她开心我会很兴奋

跟她聊天会很期待

或许我真的喜欢她吧

未来我就真的不知道了

我想她没喜欢我吧...不知道 ><

暧昧是最好的感觉...那些年里有说

也有一句

‘我的世界, 只不过是你的心’

或许我隐隐约约明白那是什么意思吧

Hanabi

单身是我的选择，而我也会一直单身下去，直到遇上那个对的人 =)

原来我一直以来走过的这条路并没有错,

到最近才发现我的过去那一切只是为了某一天

我能和她相遇

我只不过在等待那一天

><

Pledge

I met a girl.
I can't tell if she's special.

I can't tell if I have any feelings.

Probably everything will be the same again.

I won't love.
I scare.
Maybe it's too fast.
Maybe I'm scared because I don't have enough bravery.
Maybe she's just another girl.

But what was that feeling in my heart just now?
I certainly feel my heart skipped....

Maybe's it's just temporary? I don't know.

I feel so lost.

Vortex

Just back from the expedition, a super enriching experience =D Get to know more about people around me, get to enjoy the chill and super fresh air(although most of the time I'm freezing and shaking very funnily haha xD), get to enjoy the penthouse life with a group of crazy dudes, get to climb the most awesome mountain ever although stained almost from top to toe by the awesome mud and bleeding here and there, get to descend down the mountain in the rain with ultra cool wind batting on all corners for like 4 hours...and walk another 7kilometers down the hill to where the bus is, get to say thank you to Yan yi dear who help me the most and be by my side, get to say thank you to Xiet Yang and Ben for always cracking the jokes and gay together, and most importantly, Get to know people =) 

Most importantly, I get to know you >< you're nice....I can't describe the feeling..you're sincere, funny, your laugh is mesmerizing, and you're .....beautiful. haha..thank you for helping me and I feel its my pleasure to help you through the mountain walk and going through all the happy and awkward moments...and be just behind you so that I can always hold you when you fall. 

Best Trip ever :) wonderful and awesome memories together...

Feel empty after back from the expedition =( Miss everything there ><
Adrian's super regretting now...haha! but hope there's a next time for such event, I'll certainly go for it.

认识你我觉得好荣幸 

遇见你我好开心^^

Silly God Disco

Hoo~ hell yeah!! It's november already...in a blink of ultra velocity most of Form 4 had went by and it didn't really register in my mind and state of conscience. I mean, life's really vague for the 10 months before and I am not really happy, somehow~I missed my life in the past, but what can I do, it's too much for me to complain, since I had literally achieved what I had set out for this year and became close with some friends to a whole new level. Well, it can't be a bed of roses, I lost fragments of things along the way too. I miss some part of me that I realized I had lost it nowadays... is it bad or blessing in disguise? Most of the things changed dramatically and I had time to think through everything, and it's been annoying being pecked at by involuntary thoughts randomly any time of the day. Through time, people change and while some people walk into your life some will walk out too, and it's mixed feelings as everything is still not clear for where are these all are heading. This is the year of rehab and thinking, through the days I had some principles instilled in me and I hope I can be the person I hope to be =) well, most of my time these days were spent sleeping and listening to The Gazette and setting goals for my band...things are not looking so good for now but I'm trying to steer it towards the better. Oh wait, what did I said 'hell yeah' for already...nevermind, I guess I just needed this personal space and spill things out...I hope I can go well with my revolution and dream programmes, be it personally or organizationally. Right, today was the Chemistry papers, and I fuxked both paper 1 and 2 up literally, thanks to......everything. Yeah. Haha, Im not gonna linger on it, I'll take it as ANOTHER DIP INTO THE DEPTH FOR A MORE DRAMATIC RISE IN REPUTATION. haha, why did I even bother to caps that sentence, I have no idea...anyways, my rep certainly are damaged in all ways and I'm still figuring a way to pull it back, together with everything.

I guess you can't have everything at the same time, huh? Life's damn unfair, hahaha. 

Need for making a change. =D

I like this : The difference between a dream and a goal is a PLAN.  

but the problem is I always feel lazy and falied to plan. that's something I'm trying to change lately. Haha.

Anyway ciaos, 2 more days to go for THE BEGINNING OF BRAND NEW WORLD. Actually that means the end of final exam =D haha, can't wait anymore.

不知不觉,原来等待你已经变成一种习惯.

Chizuru

my left ear is getting muted day by day.


Maybe, it's better for me to shut myself out from the world?


It happened yesterday morning, and I had no idea what caused it.


Before i become deaf, can I hear the whisper of angels again? 


Can I hear the voices that bring me hope again?




Can I hear your voice again?

To be or not to be, THAT is the question

Feel like typing something~


Nothing's happening nowadays, life still sucks as always but you try fighting that and make the most out of everyday even though in the end you still feel everything's not enough and feel like total garbage. Nah.
haha just lamenting randomly. Let me share something. Have you ever feel like, when you're trying to chase something so badly and longing for it you'll lose something close by, bit by bit, no matter how small the margin and how unnoticeable it's happening. Just like the one and only phrase 'To be or not to be, that is the question.', you'll be amazed how often we ask ourselves the age-old question : Is it true that those that we haven't acquire are always better than those that we've owned? Is it always true that the greed and desire of petty humans knows no boundaries and the reason humans fall is because of not knowing that appreciation is the only way to get hold of happiness? We are all dreamers. very often, we set sights on things that're better and seek for greener pastures, all in the name of dream and to lead better lives. Yet, in the pursuit of something possibly unknown, we lose sight of things that we once cherished and loved. Life's fleeting and the only thing permanent is the moment when we arrive at truth and realization. Yes, we will go for our dreams with full throttle no matter the obstacle but we always feel empty. Ok now I'm not sure where this is going again, so I'll leave it right here, like a cliffhanger. Conclusion, this passage sums up my feelings recently and I'm wondering whether the path I've taken is worthwhile or not. Maybe, maybe by the time I realized it, that will be the start of another story in my life.


Life's fleeting and death's unforgiving, cherish every moment with your loved ones and be happy. =)

Untitled

Changed some songs =) 

I guess my blog now is almost deserted already, with no visits nowadays. Haha.

Nevermind, I like my blog anyhow and lookout for it cuz I think it'll be revived :)))

So cold.

一大早起床
心   很冷很冷
冷得不得了
看着窗外的天空    灰灰的
风一直一直在刮   那种超现实的感觉
让人觉得好寂寞


我  原来那么脆弱
孤独真的是我的唯一出口?


不想有一天
真的寂寞寂寞
寂寞到什么都想不起
寂寞到忘了一切
寂寞到不懂什么是寂寞




泪    在眼眶打转
天空还是很灰

Brave Heart

all this while, I've been in the long lane of memory fragments.

It's been too long, I just can't get rid of it. everything has become a part of my life, my dream.

Yes, I have a dream. A far away, colourful, dream; it's a dream that will splash iridescent rainbows into this world.

This world of grey, white, black. 

It feels so awful and sad whenever I think of the position I'm currently in.

yes, it feels like I've had all those things I once dreamt of. Long ago.

Sadism and longing, it bites my soul, so hard so painful.

But yes, I really have everything. maybe it was me, maybe it was all about my dream.

I always feel like doing something, so that I can be closer.

Closer to that day.

Now it's just passe, but it still feels damn heck awful. Maybe it's just a matter of perspective.

and how you define this world.

To me, the world, it's colourful.

too colourful that it saddens my whole being. 

I always feel that maybe there's something else that I can do, and yet I also feel hesitated.

Like maybe I've always been wrong all the while, from the beginning. 

I have a dream. I love memories.

It's a sunshine in my path, and all I need is a brave heart to bask in its glory. 

Can I believe? 

[sorry if im a bit hypocritical, but i cant lie to my feelings

i need something. to recover my world. the world once full of hope

HOPE. once I had always believed.]

寂寞是永不结束的邂逅

又发觉
人生又进入那个阶段了
好久没更新了   真的真的好久了
话说我这次选择用华语   不因为什么


感觉比较好表达   很罕见吧我用华语来抒发
英文自然我比较喜欢   但我还是很爱华语  虽然差得不知所以然
还是英文退步了硬找借口? 
我不知道
可能   绕了一大圈才发现原来又走回原点


这种事吧
我怎么了?


最近都没在做什么  假期过后发觉生活很单一格式
蓝色的淡雅色彩    隐隐晕开的紫色彩调
看了很多九八刀的书   有点挽歌的诗意
很喜欢他的文字  截然不同的感觉  虽然还是比较喜欢橘子
因为......




也没什么    就
感觉很累很累  又不懂在累个什么劲
上学    功课严重跟不上   原来我堕落了吗
回家后只想睡觉   很没营养很悲哀的生活方式
还是纯粹活在过去卡在某个地方了    久久出不来   
就算出来了也又倒带    有时候会很羡慕生活简单的人
好像一切笑笑便海阔天空    算了
要往前看啊啊 


很久没来这里了
想重新装横这里   又很懒
也很久没去朋友的部落逛逛了    找一天真的要恶补
不然我会很不安心
最近上了某个位子   下定决心要好好带上他们
至少在这全是失败的人生   干好一件事


希望如此   不然我会很......自卑? 还是内疚
说道自卑   发掘其实我很容易自卑  天天想怎么不比别人好
虽然很清楚明白不去比较好好冲刺才能成大事
可是仿佛这已是习惯   
能摆脱吗? 看着别人那么成功    突然双手也想握紧什么


梦想    幻灭?
一生追寻那曙星光的约定    能达成么?


[双手.....突然想握紧某样东西
寂寞的人害怕的不是寂寞
而是渐渐习惯了孤独
能否    让我再一次拥有?]

Sometimes.Something.Somebody...Everything?

Somtimes, when you feel like it's gonna be the end of something.

Somebody there to lend you her ears is enough for everything that will come the way.

Everything.

Life's so sucked up these days, I had no time to finish everything because...well, Im THE procrastinator and lazy-bug. and my dad's health is getting worse, the coughing won't just stop....:( Get well, strong man...I know you will. and sorry for every disobedience and tantrum I had thrown at you, sorry. and Happy father's day :)

Reminiscence Of Last November

If life is harsh and love's fragile

Why even bothering to perserve? 

If it's so easily destructible and hypocritical

what's the purpose we're even here in the first place?

The world, it's a dark place. From the vintage days of the past

when I reminisced of the neon lights, flickering almost lonely in the black of dead night

When desolate lands and abandoned Carousel is the only light and warmth

when back then we're still ignorant of this world, what is in my mind? can I still remember?

The neon lights radiate hollow and artificial glare, almost like it's alien but yet again almost like a starlight.

Im always chasing the starlight, from then till now, 

I vow to do it until the end of my life. But is it worth it anymore? when everything's blank

and hope no longer is in sight, so why is it that I will continue to chase the starlight?

The november days, the ones that's so ancient and so far away. 

Is it last november that I started to really see the starlight? 

Or is it neon lights that's been deceiving me all the time? 

So cold, so lonely.

The carousel.

Did it stop right under the moon or behind the sunset? 

I can't remember. So does everything fall apart because I no longer chase the starlight?

But somehow I can't stop the thoughts to stray, to a galaxy where I know there's somebody out there

Somebody out there for me.

It's June already.

Everytime there's a meteor that shower by against a backdrop of constellation starlights

Who, will be by my side and remind me to make a wish?

It's June already. 

I shutted all doors, clamped down all memories, cut off all lingering emotions

so that I can move on.
But apparently, Im born for something that can't be forgotten no matter what.

Starlight. 

Remembered from the november days, from a far far away time that I remembered 

something had been left behind.

Something.

Im waiting for that day

So messed up.

I've been feeling this sense of unrest for almost....half of this year.

So many times, I had felt that I had found something important, something I worth living for.

But so many times, I had ended up questioning my faith. What had I been doing? and what had I live for?

It's a Friday. woke up at 3pm and stared at my phone's wallpaper. essentially trying to recall what had happened while Im asleep. But of course, I couldn't remember it...I had been wasting my time. My head ached like the ends of hell. How am I gonna end all this? 

Need a heart that is ever-appreciating and always believing. So far, I just need a solution to my problems. Am I greedy? I feel a little bit already. No, I should never think about so much things at once...focusing on a goal is the best way for me to move forward.

Well, enough with the negativity already. The first week had been meaningful, to say the least. It's not that I had not been expecting, but I never really dreamt I could blend in and had tonnes of fun :D All this while, Im just chasing everybody's back and tracing your footsteps. So if Im really after happiness, I need to make a trail myself. Nice kem kepimpinan....had lot's of memories with my fellow friends. Thanks for everything :D Now maybe it's a little bit too late about this...but I somehow feel I need to remember this. and then there's the trip to Genting with my band....as always, it's indescribable. haha xD maybe Im exaggerating it, but I like the feeling when we're all in this together. The sentimental feeling and togetherness and craziness is priceless. So Im feeling hollow now because I missed those times so badly? Move on, man! 

Yeap, tomorrow is still there and I need to open my eyes and.....see the sunshine? so cliched xD

[ Sorry for all these while... I really wanna save it all. really. but there's something not right with me == I'll appreciate the time until the end....I really hope]

Starting point

Tomorrow going kem kepimpinan.....a bit reluctant to go lar cuz I wan read manga xD 

Well, know that there'll be many people I know going...so hope wont be too boring~~

everybody who's going enjoy yourself bah~have fun :D

and after that going Genting on thursday~the band will have gone up there on wednesday by that time..will miss one day of fun :( the kem lar! we only return in the afternoon on wednesday....haizzz. So this is gonna be one heck of a busy week...busy enjoying XD 

Bought jor 2 Giddens book~ohyea~

Reignition and Trepidation

Woosh Im here again. I promised to take care of this place.

Well the recently-concluded Mid-year exams, I just hope all the best for your results, but it's been hell for me ==

Well, Im paying the price...the results will drop hellbottom, if there's no mistake. So what am I doing? Yeap I did nothing this past year, I really regretted that, and I hope it will turn around next time. This sounds cliche and stupid right? they always say that if we're still living, we can't stop fighting for everything. But I had abandoned my faith.

So where is it? This is the answer Im gonna find...

Seems familiar? somehow....

The holiday's here and I've got lots of things lined up, will be very very busy...but I hope I had the time to finish these mangas

And then there's this awesome naruto movie....dunno when out dy, but gonna watch it! 

                                            

 Somehow I will find time amidst the chaos and fury to finish all this...had been suppressing my needs and cravings all these while =.= 

Well then, Ciaos! Gonna sleep, band practice resumes tomorrow :)

Oh Just Let me Die ==

Sorry but Im really not in the mood to study...

even if in the end I studied something,  it's because of my 'trademark' 'burning the midnight oil' and 'last minute thrust' and that really saved me.....can you imagine all the while you never listen to your sejarah in class and

then tomorrow exam strikes and you only START it like it's something new right at 10pm ? well I did it yesterday == It took away almost all my sleep and I kinda feel like Im crazy and going cuckoo...

In the end I don't really know how to describe the paper... it feels secure and at the same time the answers seemed made up mostly by me == That happened to Chemi and Bio too, and Im gonna do it again for the physics tomorrow. Well it's a hard lesson for me to learn and I guess this is the furthest I will go in this aspect. I kinda promise myself, promise my mum not to repeat it. I HOPE I can FULFIL it, because Im suck at time management and Im a super pro at procrastinating and laziness... T^T

Exam sure sucks..... even if it's myself to blame, I still hope it would be gone right now. Well, no time to lament I need to buck up on my physics... Ciaos and give me your blessings :D

Kinda look like it's been too long a interval from my last post. Well, not really into blogging nowadays but will look to revive it soon..

Godbless to Us! 4 more days and it's over~~~

Where is the...

It's a mess...up till this moment, everything's a mess.

Sometimes, I really thought Im fine, that I can continue my life the way it always was. 

Somehow, things kinda changed  and I dunno why. Times came when I would slightly think back everything that happened all this while, and realized I couldn't remember all those things I had said.  Things that I believed in, or so I thought. I feel.....weird? now. It's not like I feel bad everyday at all, maybe Im just adapting to something new, because I feel that everything's different. And it's that a good thing?

The Mid-year exam is just steps away, and I truly regretted everything I had done in the first half of 2011.
I'll redeem it, I will. From this moment on, let there be guiding light. Let there be a way for me to get out of all this mess.

[Looks like I had abandoned my belief and faith, right? nope, that won't happen. At least I hope so.Godbless and hope everything will be fine....even though I know it's the biggest lie]

Is this love?

SunBurn

April's here! 

As usual, you can guess Im gonna repeat the same things again. hahaha i think im out of ideas, so forgive me man.. well the school life was just as usual, except Im feeling sleepier as the day went by -.- maybe Im alwaz sleepy all the time, but I seriously don't feel like listening to any teacher and just cover my ears, and let my imagination drift... that's when I realized I had a talent for creating awesome stories out of thin air :D that's daydreaming you may call, but whether it's daydreaming or dreaming at night I always feel enraptured and fascinated by the things that form themselves in my brain. One of the extremely few things Im actually proud of myself xD That way, it helps when Im doing essays or in need for inspirational words. It jogs my mind too...haha.

Lately I've been battling my own dilemma and renewing my direction...and Im juggling all my options and decisions I've made so far, and try to think what's the best for me. In the end, I just gave in to my old ways and feel refreshed again, just because it's the first place I've landed myself and was the place I love the most <3 well, about my other desires.... that kinda have to wait. I dont have a good network at that and lack of chances to learn that.... so I'll just see what I can do. Maybe God has other plans for me :) 

Now here's a band maybe all of you had already knew, it's called MUSE. I found it awesome again, after so many years listening to them. Actually, the first time I fell in love with them was when Im 14. I especially love Matt bellamy's piano solos :D it's so freaking nice, it even inspired a lazy bum like me to continue to practise the piano so that one day I can do those feats too :DD  Im looking forward to this aspect, cuz Music is the way I've chosen. It may not be my primary spine, but it's certainly my SOUL. 

In case you ask why the title is SunBurn, becuase we had marching today in the band and the sun..... literally burns. Seriously. But out of the agony we certainly achieved something hehe. Hope everybody keep it up~~

After the storm

It's been awhile....again =.= the truth is I actually don't feel like writing anything here, but alright now Im coming home. Home is always different, no matter how you crave and long for the glamour and grace out there. Home is the warmest place on earth, for me =) some may want to voice their thoughts, but mostly you find peace at home.

Ok enough of the BS... but how am I gonna start this? It's been so long and the time frame passed by quite strangely these days and of course, my memory as usual ditched me of most of the things most of the time, so it's no surprise I can't keep track of everything. Some of those will be dropped somewhere in my past :( Okayyss, life these days had those usual ups and downs and at least Im feeling better from the previous period and slowly recovering.... I think. There's no point looking back except to bask in the touching feelings of nice memories again, so everybody moves on. Erm.... my results dropped....quite a bit. 20. Sounds nice and cool, right? right in the middle. fair and square. Actually my mum threatened to cut off my internet connection. But I had promised to fare better next time. I can do it :) LOL

The homeworks had been increasing like never before, but we still got to deal with it. Haizs, I don't like form 4 homeworks....I had really no idea how I can did it the years before. I had lost it. Some of it. I think I'll find another way somehow. God Bless me >< as to other things....well, I don't think there's anything to say. Days went by typically and the weather was real hot. I mean, super ultra  HOT == walking in the sun for 2 minutes you'll look like you just come up from a swimming pool. Literally. 

Something happened after the time Im healed, well partly healed I think. It's something indescribable, a kind of feeling which will kinda makes you cry. From the way she told me, this is the picture in my mind. Strangely, I cant feel any strong and intense emotions.... had I also lost this? NOoooooo way, I gonna find it back. Maybe It's the way I deal things, maybe it's the fact that my heart cant keep up with the gap growing into a massive hole over the years.... maybe it's a tad too far?  

All I can hope for is faith and trust, which I believe will never fail us :) Fingers crossed  X <3

28 + 10

28 days passed by since I left here.
For once, it's strange to say but I felt that love was lost. not even a trace was left.
And so, began the 28 days, when life had never been so depressed and turbulent.
from the peak I dropped straight into the hole, it happened too fast I can barely see and comprehend anything. I just knew I'm freefalling to a place called nowhere, freefalling to the place where I'm somehow fated to be there.
You might still think that I'm still the same throughout the days, but the truth is I'm falling apart.
Behind those laughters and lame jokes, a thousand scars and wounds were brimming red across my heart, a million pieces of memories sticking through my wall. I smiled, at least I tried to, but it's twisted and forced. It couldn't hide the fury and breaking down that's going on inside me.
For once, it's so broken and so bleak that I almost fell into the abyss like so many others. Broken, as I couldn't seek salvation; bleak, as I couldn't see the light. Cloudy and stormy days raged inside me like there's no ending to it.
And so, the 28 days dragged on, attempting to kill everything.

And then, you came into my life. At the exact right time.
You've always been there for all this while, but my cravings and longings had blinded and misted my sight, and all I saw was just my plain own twisted perception, I couldn't see you.
But I'm glad you did come. Just like the way thing was, it's only different because you pulled out that twist in me, and so once again I can see hope. The sun had never been so bright.

Thanks so much <3  I'm really indebt to you. Without you, I can't imagine where this will lead me to.
you stopped my descend into darkness and pulled me back to the surface of the water, and as I gasped and coughed, I started to realize that the sky, why had I never been able to notice that it's so beatiful? Love's beautiful.....


And so my story continues.



Actually, it's 38 days. the days I didn't come this place.
But for the latter 10 days, it's been rainbow and sunshine. I'm still who I was, it's just that something about me was different, not the same anymore from the 29th day. It's the beginning of the end, and whether it's a horrible and murky end or one basked in the glory of love, it's up to the sequel of my story. And about how I'm gonna continue this story, I'll find out myself.