Where is the...

It's a mess...up till this moment, everything's a mess.

Sometimes, I really thought Im fine, that I can continue my life the way it always was. 

Somehow, things kinda changed  and I dunno why. Times came when I would slightly think back everything that happened all this while, and realized I couldn't remember all those things I had said.  Things that I believed in, or so I thought. I feel.....weird? now. It's not like I feel bad everyday at all, maybe Im just adapting to something new, because I feel that everything's different. And it's that a good thing?

The Mid-year exam is just steps away, and I truly regretted everything I had done in the first half of 2011.
I'll redeem it, I will. From this moment on, let there be guiding light. Let there be a way for me to get out of all this mess.

[Looks like I had abandoned my belief and faith, right? nope, that won't happen. At least I hope so.Godbless and hope everything will be fine....even though I know it's the biggest lie]

Is this love?

SunBurn

April's here! 

As usual, you can guess Im gonna repeat the same things again. hahaha i think im out of ideas, so forgive me man.. well the school life was just as usual, except Im feeling sleepier as the day went by -.- maybe Im alwaz sleepy all the time, but I seriously don't feel like listening to any teacher and just cover my ears, and let my imagination drift... that's when I realized I had a talent for creating awesome stories out of thin air :D that's daydreaming you may call, but whether it's daydreaming or dreaming at night I always feel enraptured and fascinated by the things that form themselves in my brain. One of the extremely few things Im actually proud of myself xD That way, it helps when Im doing essays or in need for inspirational words. It jogs my mind too...haha.

Lately I've been battling my own dilemma and renewing my direction...and Im juggling all my options and decisions I've made so far, and try to think what's the best for me. In the end, I just gave in to my old ways and feel refreshed again, just because it's the first place I've landed myself and was the place I love the most <3 well, about my other desires.... that kinda have to wait. I dont have a good network at that and lack of chances to learn that.... so I'll just see what I can do. Maybe God has other plans for me :) 

Now here's a band maybe all of you had already knew, it's called MUSE. I found it awesome again, after so many years listening to them. Actually, the first time I fell in love with them was when Im 14. I especially love Matt bellamy's piano solos :D it's so freaking nice, it even inspired a lazy bum like me to continue to practise the piano so that one day I can do those feats too :DD  Im looking forward to this aspect, cuz Music is the way I've chosen. It may not be my primary spine, but it's certainly my SOUL. 

In case you ask why the title is SunBurn, becuase we had marching today in the band and the sun..... literally burns. Seriously. But out of the agony we certainly achieved something hehe. Hope everybody keep it up~~

After the storm

It's been awhile....again =.= the truth is I actually don't feel like writing anything here, but alright now Im coming home. Home is always different, no matter how you crave and long for the glamour and grace out there. Home is the warmest place on earth, for me =) some may want to voice their thoughts, but mostly you find peace at home.

Ok enough of the BS... but how am I gonna start this? It's been so long and the time frame passed by quite strangely these days and of course, my memory as usual ditched me of most of the things most of the time, so it's no surprise I can't keep track of everything. Some of those will be dropped somewhere in my past :( Okayyss, life these days had those usual ups and downs and at least Im feeling better from the previous period and slowly recovering.... I think. There's no point looking back except to bask in the touching feelings of nice memories again, so everybody moves on. Erm.... my results dropped....quite a bit. 20. Sounds nice and cool, right? right in the middle. fair and square. Actually my mum threatened to cut off my internet connection. But I had promised to fare better next time. I can do it :) LOL

The homeworks had been increasing like never before, but we still got to deal with it. Haizs, I don't like form 4 homeworks....I had really no idea how I can did it the years before. I had lost it. Some of it. I think I'll find another way somehow. God Bless me >< as to other things....well, I don't think there's anything to say. Days went by typically and the weather was real hot. I mean, super ultra  HOT == walking in the sun for 2 minutes you'll look like you just come up from a swimming pool. Literally. 

Something happened after the time Im healed, well partly healed I think. It's something indescribable, a kind of feeling which will kinda makes you cry. From the way she told me, this is the picture in my mind. Strangely, I cant feel any strong and intense emotions.... had I also lost this? NOoooooo way, I gonna find it back. Maybe It's the way I deal things, maybe it's the fact that my heart cant keep up with the gap growing into a massive hole over the years.... maybe it's a tad too far?  

All I can hope for is faith and trust, which I believe will never fail us :) Fingers crossed  X <3

28 + 10

28 days passed by since I left here.
For once, it's strange to say but I felt that love was lost. not even a trace was left.
And so, began the 28 days, when life had never been so depressed and turbulent.
from the peak I dropped straight into the hole, it happened too fast I can barely see and comprehend anything. I just knew I'm freefalling to a place called nowhere, freefalling to the place where I'm somehow fated to be there.
You might still think that I'm still the same throughout the days, but the truth is I'm falling apart.
Behind those laughters and lame jokes, a thousand scars and wounds were brimming red across my heart, a million pieces of memories sticking through my wall. I smiled, at least I tried to, but it's twisted and forced. It couldn't hide the fury and breaking down that's going on inside me.
For once, it's so broken and so bleak that I almost fell into the abyss like so many others. Broken, as I couldn't seek salvation; bleak, as I couldn't see the light. Cloudy and stormy days raged inside me like there's no ending to it.
And so, the 28 days dragged on, attempting to kill everything.

And then, you came into my life. At the exact right time.
You've always been there for all this while, but my cravings and longings had blinded and misted my sight, and all I saw was just my plain own twisted perception, I couldn't see you.
But I'm glad you did come. Just like the way thing was, it's only different because you pulled out that twist in me, and so once again I can see hope. The sun had never been so bright.

Thanks so much <3  I'm really indebt to you. Without you, I can't imagine where this will lead me to.
you stopped my descend into darkness and pulled me back to the surface of the water, and as I gasped and coughed, I started to realize that the sky, why had I never been able to notice that it's so beatiful? Love's beautiful.....


And so my story continues.



Actually, it's 38 days. the days I didn't come this place.
But for the latter 10 days, it's been rainbow and sunshine. I'm still who I was, it's just that something about me was different, not the same anymore from the 29th day. It's the beginning of the end, and whether it's a horrible and murky end or one basked in the glory of love, it's up to the sequel of my story. And about how I'm gonna continue this story, I'll find out myself.

^^

Rocketeer

[Here we go, come with me
 there's a world out there that we should see
 take my hand, close your eyes
 with you right here, I'm a rocketeer]

This is lyrics from the song 'Rocketeer' by Far East Movement feat. Ryan Tedder from OneRepublic. This MV's nice and the song, too. :D


It's been a month since 2011, and all I could say is: 2012 is not gonna be the end of the world. Why? because I realized that there's still many things that if not done, I will surely regret.So according to myself, the world shouldn't end :) 
January was like a rocketeer, it took me to the dome of the world and down to bottomless pit of earth. My Birthday was memorable, though :D it's a bit weird if I start babbling all these niche things here when they've already been parts of the past a long time ago. Still, some things are meant to be remembered as long as I concern.


This is the month that I've been following the band around for performances and it's been a bit tiring. Well, how can I said it's tiring when there are people that's bearing much much more? anyway, this is the month I let my beloved clar kiss the ground, twice.The upper part of my clarinet slipped from the lower part and hit the floor in both occasions, and I'm heartbroken and guilty as you can imagined.I may not show it, but that doesn't mean the tide are always calm behind the beautiful image. This is the first time that I'm actually so careless, I'm so so so sorry for every harm that I've caused :(  Please forgive me..


Today's new year's eve, the house is still the same as always.Greatgrandma's departure 3 years practice had just gone through the first year tomorrow, and according to the belief, our family can't really celebrate CNY.So naturally, there's practically zero CNY ambience in my house.What I'm doing here now is looking forward to the small reunion dinner and house-to-house visiting with friends. Haha, that might give me a little consolation.Lately, some things have been bothering me, and I'm wondering why after all that we've been through, is it my resolve isn't strong enough? Gotta slap everything away and embrace CNY in my own fashion :D 


Happy Chinese New Year and God Bless ^^