It's .......been a while.
Wow, now that I try to recall, so many things had happened, it made me feel dizzy just to think about them...
Where should I start? It's been a journey full of feelings, touching moments, pure happiness, heartbreak, ecstasy, etc...
Now that I tried to think about what I've done for my SPM, I realized that I may have overcome the demon bugging me deep down.. It was totally not perfect, full of flaws and imperfections, full of last-minute adrenaline, full of subtle regrets and sadness...but whatever the results at the end, for now, every minute of my life, I finally have the feeling I once craved so badly for, that is the sense of freedom without major regrets :) Of course, there were still regrets, here and there, but I think I have learnt to let go...It's useless to think about it anymore no matter how bad everything may turn out to be. I need to have faith, too. I don't dare to think of any scenarios for now, I just hope I won't let my friends, my parents, and myself down again.
Actually it's a peculiar, mixed feeling, to be saying goodbye finally, after all those years. I must admit that through all the things that were thrown in my way and all the happenings that surrounded me, I have learned a great deal, and for some reason I can't help but feel hopeful everyday. It's like I am back to the old me, yet at the same time something is different, something has changed inside me. But on the other hand again, I am still happy and sure that my deepest core is still intact, and all the true and indescribable feelings and values are still there. For me, that's what makes me , well, ME. It's the most important thing I care about myself, personally.
Someday, we may need to say goodbye to everything. Thinking back the days, I can't be happier. I am glad that those precious moments spent with friends and family, although they're gone, like the rain, but the memories we created I believe, will last, just like the rainbow. Some may be temporary, but I have faith that all those precious to me, will be safely kept in my heart, and continue to make myself go forward. But reality is still reality, I am really sad at the fact that I can't see my friends so often anymore...these days I really went out and had so much fun with friends, with classmates, with old friends...I missed the times we spent together in Melaka, the night we all poured out our hearts' contents, the crazy time we had at the water park; I missed the times we went to watch movies in Midvalley, and reconnect and reassure ourselves that this is not the end; But for all the more reason, I miss you.
I really do.
I think back to the days when I can still see your face everyday, the days when I can still be by your side, with silent accompaniment, or when you told me your problems and stories. I really, really, wish that time can turn back, that you will be by my side again...although this is just my naive wishful thinking. I didn't have regrets over what I had done, but the pain is still so real, so searing....that makes every feeling all the more real.
This is surely not the end, and till the day we meet again, and again, and again, I'll promise myself to be a better person. I am not sure whether I can do it, as my past told me that I am bound to fail again and again, but you alone make me believe I can.
[The day we met,
Frozen I held my breath
Right from the start
I knew that I'd found a home for my heart...
...beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone?
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow]
#AThousandYearsPart2
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