It Will Rain

Hey friends happy 2013 :) This will be my very last post(for now) as I will be heading for national service starting from this Thursday. There will be CNY break in February, and I'm only free until like, 19th March bahh. Still, it's the first time I will be away from home for such long time, luckily there are friends who will be going to the same camp with me, which is in Teluk Rubiah, Lumut, Perak. Kinda looking forward, hopefully I can learn something and make the 2 and a half months meaningful :)Oh, and I'll be botak == Can't imagine actually....but I'll be fine. 2012, was a really amazing year for me. Not that I had too many nice experiences, in fact there were more memories that I chose to forget than to remember...but still, I choose to always remember them and whether the past taught me something or left me beautiful things, I will never try to deny them and be somebody I'm not suppose to be again. I still felt sad somethings, about some decisions and actions...but the past are the past, the best I can do is to carry on and be better than yesterday. It's an amazing feeling to be just, me myself. About resolutions...I remembered I had made some, but because of my inability and the fact I was weak at the start of the year I had quickly forgotten to do what I aim to do.About results, I still can't excel; about budgeting and savings, I still can't make it my habit...hmm..but I did passed my grade 8 piano exams.. and there were kinda many personal things I had achieved actually..but still, everything was still not up to mark. But then,I would never forget about the future, although truthfully I had never had a specific dream, and until now I still had doubts over my path, my choice of study, etc... but still I believe I can make it. It's still not something I'm sure, but I wish to complete further studies overseas....and get to know the world. Travelling is my thing. :)About music,well I'm not sure what I can do about it,maybe I'll think thoroughly when I'm out of national service... I'm not talented,but I do love music, and it's a special thing for me. About Taekwondo, haha, I had stopped for kinda many months, and I figured out I wouldn't have enough time to pursue once I'm busy with my studies and all those...but still I would wish to continue when there's a chance. I hope to get a nice scholarship, I hope to go many places on this planet, I hope I can play better basketball, I hope I can watch a live NBA game, I hope I can read many many many awesome novels and non-fictions, I hope to be better in character and personality... the list goes on. But until I do something about them, they're still only 'hope'. :) But most importantly, there're still friends beside me :D There're so many people I want to thank, no matter what you've done to light up my day or to inspire me or just be there, a big big big hug and thank you for you all :) Thank you! without you, my life would be colourless...haha.. Somethings I feel that actually I'm really lucky and blessed, to have such wonderful friends. I hope you see this. :) And you. I don't know what can I write here, no amount of words can describe what I feel and what I want to say to you. Even though the sadness overwhelms me all the time, every other moment of the day, but you never fail to make me remember who I was, who I am now, and who I'll be. I don't know whether it'll be unrequited, and if it is, it doesn't really matter. 我会一直记得那么棒的一个你..给我那么大的勇气的你，给我动力与希望的你，还有太多太多...即使一切有时真的很像一场梦. 2013, let's make it better.

Hishoku no Sora

原来 真的是那么难受 好久不曾有过的感觉 真的好伤心哦 我不知道要怎么办了

我想你了、但是不敢和你说 知道吗、怕说了一种折磨 对你、还有自己 多少次忍住了想找你的冲动 那种感觉真难受 想爱却不敢爱不能爱真难受 多么想跑进你的心里看看你到底是怎么想的 我只是你一个无关紧要的人 我只是一个胆小懦弱对自己没信心想爱却不敢的人 那种感受你知道吗…… #SHARE

Black Lotus

Still searching for these :( Haiz

Field of Tears

Currently at langkawi surprisingly the homestay place has nice wi-fi service :)

It's really tiring at outside, this is the ending of the 2nd day and we just tried island hopping and shopping and eating nice food only~ but already felt tired. Tomorrow going for skywalk and cable car and we're moving our staying place, that is to a nice high-class hotel~ heard that the place has jacuzzi and spa etc really looking forward to it~ Langkawi fell short of my expectations for now but the nature always captivate me. But I still felt tired though...at night we just chill at the staying place, nothing more, because everybody was tired. Luckily I brought the lappy, haha..but I'm really tired.

Not just physically...

Friend hope you heal soon :( although I know..

A Thousand Years

It's .......been a while.

Wow, now that I try to recall, so many things had happened, it made me feel dizzy just to think about them...
Where should I start? It's been a journey full of feelings, touching moments, pure happiness, heartbreak, ecstasy, etc...

Now that I tried to think about what I've done for my SPM, I realized that I may have overcome the demon bugging me deep down.. It was totally not perfect, full of flaws and imperfections, full of last-minute adrenaline, full of subtle regrets and sadness...but whatever the results at the end, for now, every minute of my life, I finally have the feeling I once craved so badly for, that is the sense of freedom without major regrets :) Of course, there were still regrets, here and there, but I think I have learnt to let go...It's useless to think about it anymore no matter how bad everything may turn out to be. I need to have faith, too. I don't dare to think of any scenarios for now, I just hope I won't let my friends, my parents, and myself down again.

Actually it's a peculiar, mixed feeling, to be saying goodbye finally, after all those years. I must admit that through all the things that were thrown in my way and all the happenings that surrounded me, I have learned a great deal, and for some reason I can't help but feel hopeful everyday. It's like I am back to the old me, yet at the same time something is different, something has changed inside me. But on the other hand again, I am still happy and sure that my deepest core is still intact, and all the true and indescribable feelings and values are still there. For me, that's what makes me , well, ME. It's the most important thing I care about myself, personally.

Someday, we may need to say goodbye to everything. Thinking back the days, I can't be happier. I am glad that those precious moments spent with friends and family, although they're gone, like the rain, but the memories we created I believe, will last, just like the rainbow. Some may be temporary, but I have faith that all those precious to me, will be safely kept in my heart, and continue to make myself go forward. But reality is still reality, I am really sad at the fact that I can't see my friends so often anymore...these days I really went out and had so much fun with friends, with classmates, with old friends...I missed the times we spent together in Melaka, the night we all poured out our hearts' contents, the crazy time we had at the water park; I missed the times we went to watch movies in Midvalley, and reconnect and reassure ourselves that this is not the end; But for all the more reason, I miss you.

I really do.

I think back to the days when I can still see your face everyday, the days when I can still be by your side, with silent accompaniment, or when you told me your problems and stories. I really, really, wish that time can turn back, that you will be by my side again...although this is just my naive wishful thinking. I didn't have regrets over what I had done, but the pain is still so real, so searing....that makes every feeling all the more real.

This is surely not the end, and till the day we meet again, and again, and again, I'll promise myself to be a better person. I am not sure whether I can do it, as my past told me that I am bound to fail again and again, but you alone make me believe I can.


[The day we met,
Frozen I held my breath
Right from the start
I knew that I'd found a home for my heart...
...beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone?
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow]
#AThousandYearsPart2