I want to discover it

always lacking something crucial which i always know all along

deep inside my heart core where i can sense this peculiar feeling

yet i can never grasp it

never ever

i may be glorious on the outside

but i'm nothing on the inside

i always fail to meet expectations

which the reason i will never discover

i always want to achiever something

yet i never will do it

so please tell me 

what am i lacking?

to awaken the sleeping beast inside me

to form everlasting willpower

to always sleep peacefully every single night

to get rid of that full- of - guilty feeling

to be the lulaby everyone will never reject

to be more expectant and aware

so what is it?

the flame i saw faintly and quirky 

from the moment i was born until now

which i knew will never dies.