Untold Story

Twilight ended in the form of a million trickles that cast a nostalgia tone in this lonely night

I let the rhythm of the rain guide me, my heart feeling and grasping the glory 

I always remember why this life is like this

and always never ever failing to relate to the wonderful things around me.

but why

why is there a certain indescribable solitude spreading and conquering my soul?

Is it because things have changed so fast that I can't register to it  

or is it simply I have truly started to let it go?

Yeah, those were the days when barriers are scarce and we can trade everything without hesitation 

and we all realized the only thing binding us is loosening and it's no longer useful.

Not anymore.

I know deep down in our hearts we've never been apart

but then again, how can you explain this thing that slowly overwhelmes my whole entity?


I visited a certain friend's blog recently
and feel a bit down scrolling through her posts
the starting of the end? I hope not
I just wish and pray, she dares to dream and hope again
I wouldn't want to see her fall and break
Times are hard and those niffy relationship problems are a huge mess of labyrinth 
even though she's strong,
she won't escape from shattering into a thousand pieces if nobody's there to brace for the fall.


[Dont close off your mind

Dont keep your guard tight
surely you're meant to fly in that sky someday
just let it go, let your feelings flow
no matter how hard you stumble
there'll be somebody there for you.]

So Deep

Suddenly all thoughts and past fragments came rushing and sprawling out in tides and rise
and then everything slides backwards and my state of mind halts in this instant.
It's that time of my life when memories swallow me up completely and I have no idea how this is happening


This time ....the scenes went back to when I was still eight.
Little, innocent, stupid child XD that was the time when everything was so right
so real, and yet too faraway.... life's so harsh, don't you agree?
I vaguely remember, that's when I was dominated and owned by the mighty Dengue fever.
yes, it was mighty back then, and I was in the hospital for like, three days.
Subang medical Hospital. Never forgotten :) there's a precious part of memory there
which will be always treasured throughout my sucked life....


the three days. the single-bed with white and cloud blue blanket and pillow.
the small, traditional television set. the always shadowy and greyish atmosphere.
the nice sweet lenglui nurse :) and the pain everytime there's an injection =.=
Those three days were my first major hospitalization, if you would call it "major", lol
and I still remembered how I cried all night because I cant see daddy and mummy...haha
and how the nice nurse consoled and accompanied me throughout the cold nights.
Most important of all, I knew the song" Never had a Dream Come True"
that's probably the most jubilant and exhilarating moment of my life, thinking of defining myself
with inspiration and awes. But it was back then, how should I know that the moment will be the thrust,
the energy and power for me to seek hope?
Maybe you would think I'm weird, but this is just me, songs affected me deeply, even by now.
the souls and feelings and thoughts of a song can be conveyed effectively without help, 
and I really love that part of me. Seriously. One of the rare parts of me that I can really 'like' =.=
Maybe it's common to many people, and you would think "that's just simply normal, what a total crap"
But well, I cant doubt anything, and this would just be the reason why I'm where I'm now.


It's so deep, so mesmerizing...

The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

and the reason is You [x3]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you 

So darn true...

Life in Slow-Motion

You know sometimes when you're about to sleep but fragments of images and memories of day time will still keep lingering there in your head and the scenes are like a sequence of a never-ending movie keep flashing here and there, making you restless, and you have a feeling you're getting insomnia...

Yeah, it's familiar, right? Especially to those whom are dealing with stress, doubts or pressure...

whether it's positive or negative.

You know how my dad will always keep on bragging about the importance of sleeping 

which is one of his main chatting topics when we're on the dinner table, when watching dramas, when nobody's talking... you name it. He always says how pimples are results of unbalance hormones due to haphazrd timing of sleeping times... and how it will affect us and so on. Sometimes I really doubt I can sleep early, unless you know, you're super-duper exhausted until you can fall asleep when eating your dinner.LOL. seriously I tried that before.

My dad keep on pressing on issues of health, yet Im like my mind wont register anything and my signature habit will be sleeping off during day time, any boring or unimportant moment or when you dont wanna give a damn about anything happening around you. That's when I will automatically shut myself down, just like throwing a switch... easy as that. Bizarre, huh? and when night descends, I will share the early minutes of dawn with countless insomniac or people who just force themselves not to sleep.It's a trend among teenagers today, the Y generation, yeap, the spoilt and unruly. Seriously, I will not give a thought about that, as long as Im doing my job okay, who cares about all that ? wait, I think this is not the point Im trying to say.

Anyway, Im not so sure where is this heading.... I just think that maybe I should try get this "insomnia" thing out of my life....yea. Who knows life will be much better when you sleep early? Haha.

Hey guys, I think you should all watch the music video of "If we ever meet again", a Timbaland featuring Katy Perry song. It's not that their singing really matters, what blows my mind off is the way the music video turns out, the intersecting scenes of the singers singing their stuffs and a related theme of real life people, a little bit dramatised. It's actually interesting and that really gives me inspiration. What do you think?

And yea, I guess you already read the annual school magazine and know there's an essay "Carmen" in the middle.Haha, talking about that, it's funny and I sooo wanna see the look on carmen's face. This is my thank you gift for going through the years with me, a thing to remember X) but seriously, that essay still needs MORE work and improvisations. Im still trying to construct something unique through the English language, so if you have any suggestion, you're most welcome~ 

Never-Ending

Wait, I thought I got lots to say just now...where'd they all gone now?

Well, I took up Twitter like one month ago, well, not so sure why bother to register

maybe just curious. Or maybe bren is there :) and carmen kuei them too.Lols

I think I just followed a few people there.... partly because Im enjoying the new feeling of socializing.

Or maybe I don't wanna make it like Facebook... you know, it's a big messy world there.

Or maybe there ain't a social life out there, for me, at all. wadever. anyway it's not so different.

Finally finish reading Vampire Diaries, oh yea. haha =.=. you know how long was it since I got it from carmen?

You don't wanna know, trust me. It's pretty amazing how I can procrastinate something to that degree, or level,

however you wanna call it. But now the right mood is on, well I guess it's me to my book-loving self.

Yes, I thrive in books, it's my very first love since the dawn of ages. 

There's no ending to my liking for that LinkinPark song, which's on the playlist now.

Cant stop listening. Just cant. 

Nothing Special

Ok, I admit the last post is just a total crap... what is really in my heart I shall post it here...

Life's like this, when something is not at the right place and right time, the most glamorous diamond won't shine too, you know. We encounter people, things, thoughts, inspiration, dreams, nightmare, and belief everyday.

There are people who hate you. Those who love you. Those who protect you. And those who will be with you.

There are things and thoughts that make you rise, make you smile, make you grow up...  There are inspiration everywhere, amongst dreams and nightmares, that make up the core of your belief. You believe what you have faith in. But you can't believe blindly just to go with the flow or please someone. You have to be yourself, whether people hate you or love you. There's a saying like this: Say what you want and be who you are, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. These were the things in my head lately, making me think. You know, Im bad at expressing myself through words or language. Or emotion. Sometimes everything is just a poker face, fake and meaningless. But I don't make a poker face, I just keep everything in check, hoping that Im still the same person. But nothing is ever the same. I grow my belief, and I believe in what I truly believe. Ever since those years, everybody carries on and so do I... We change. Well, conclusively this post is just a splatter of mixed feelings and ideas. I try to jot those down so that one day I can still look back and discover the me as I am now. I hope this part of my memories won't die, the most fascinating and grueling part of all. 

And have you ever try listening to one song and can't stop clicking the replay button? well, I really like that feeling, I get to experience the soul and meaning of it and seek inspiration from it. Try doing this, and I know most of you did this before, and maybe you'll make a certain discovery. This is another part of me that I won't allow to die. 

Brick By Boring Brick

What the, I cant believe this was the third time already I accidentally deleted all the stuff Im gonna post here.

It's hard work writing all those things out of my mind as it is continuously dying... Fine I'll just get over it.

Anyway, what Im gonna say in the deleted post was how the recent exams are gonna end but it just seem like my sis is already in holiday mood. Yea, I can't believe she can use my laptop like it's her own from morning until almost dinner time... watching Gossip Girls. It's supposed to be me who's doing all those things, right? I mean, it's my holiday time already and if Im not gonna enjoy it as much as I can now then by the time holiday arrives there may be no time and mood already. yeap, this is typical, ordinary me in holiday mode. Unlike some of my friends, they're facing their turning-point-of-secondary school life-exam in November, I just sincerely wish they're healthy, sharp, happy, and no more. It's the best remedy to overcome the worst of nightmare and the best of living hell, don't you agree? Bless you all~

I like this song___

Brick By Boring Brick Lyrics_Paramore

She lives in a fairy tale

Somewhere too far for us to find

Forgotten the taste and smell

Of the world that she's left behind

It's all about the exposure the lens I told her

The angles were all wrong now

She's ripping wings off of butterflies

keep your feet on the ground

when your head's in the clouds

Well go get your shovel

And we'll dig a deep hole

To bury the castle, bury the castle

Well go get your shovel

And we'll dig a deep hole

To bury the castle, bury the castle

Ba da ba ba da ba ba da

So one day he found her crying

Coiled up on the dirty ground

Her prince finally came to save her

And the rest you can figure out

But it was a trick

And the clock struck twelve

Well make sure to build your home brick by boring brick

or the wolf's gonna blow it down

keep your feet on the ground

when your head's in the clouds

Well go get your shovel

And we'll dig a deep hole

To bury the castle, bury the castle

Well you built up a world of magic

Because your real life is tragic

Yeah you built up a world of magic

If it's not real

You can't hold it in your hand

You can't feel it with your heart

And I won't believe it

But if it's true

You can see it with your eyes

Oh even in the dark

And that's where I want to be, yeah

Go get your shovel

We'll dig a deep hole

To bury the castle, bury the castle

Well go get your shovel

and we'll dig a deep hole

To bury the castle, bury the castle

Guys x2:

ba da ba ba da ba ba da......

Hayley x2:

ba da ba ba da ba ba da.....