曾经拥有是一种安慰吗？知道了失去的痛，就宁愿选择不要拥有？很多时候，人生就像爱情，宁愿爱错也不要错过;很多时候，爱错了才知道拥有过的幸福;没经历过，又怎知道你是对还是错？这个世界很多东西并不是永恒的，现实也许残酷，一切都将改变，但若不是如此你又怎能遇见我？我又怎能遇见你？我知道你够坚强也够脆弱，所以我要你知道，有你真好，失去的终究是已失去，留下来的却是无比珍贵的东西。
有些东西到了某个时间就已不再，而有些东西不管到何时都会在心里面，就像我心中时时刻刻都有你，纵然你不会感觉到。




                                                                                                    给我亲爱的你  




                                                             

Little Planets

Today is Tuesday, 2.45am.

Recently I got a feeling that I've lost track of time. let me rephrase it. I mean I have trouble of recalling back  things that happen in a certain day. Like, I thought that day I texted you was Sunday but it turns out to be a Saturday night. Yeah, my memory...... Sighs. Speaking of which, it's been a long time since we really chatted with each other. Wait, it should be it's a long time around since I've ever really, really chatted with anybody.  .......

I cant deny it feels good to be in your company...and thanks for trying hard to read that 700 pages book and I do really hope you like the story. I've got more books waiting for you =D Anyway, I ran out of phone credit for two days already, I wonder if I should head down to town tomorrow? I mean today...a couple of hours more...I need to reload, I need to unwind, and I need to go somewhere, alone. or maybe I should go somewhere further?

It's December, which leads me to only one thing:

Christmas is near. The End is near. And so does the Beginning.   wait, that's three things already. Or just one?

One or three? .....

Why I Have to Scream

It's been a while...

Well, mostly these days the feeling is pouring back again. the hollowness there is fading away...

It's always so true how I'm just used to being away from the hype and noise for no reason

that feeling is lonely, cold but yet reassuring... at least that was my perception back in those days.

The night street best reflects me, the flashing neon maroon and deep mauve complete the picture of my heart.

The imperfections of the dark here and there, just fill in the holes of my broken world.

but whenever I thought that was the last time I'm going to be in the crowd again, I was always wrong.

So fcking wrong. I never realized the wonderful things around me, I just dont know how to appreciate.

So now, it's pouring back again.... as memories dance about in my head. 

The wrong-being and uneasiness is slowly lifted as I chose to believe, chose to dive in.

Chose to walk on the path that's always been there in my heart. 

and I realized something recently.... I love my juniors more le ^^

maybe this is sooooo yucks, but it's true. I love to be with them for no reason. 

and be with everyone else, those who I care. No matter how hard it rain, the rainbow's always there 

when it's over. Classic quote, yeah? 

well, it's especially true now.

I gotta thank God Im fortunate and blessed, not in any conflicting problems that crushes one's soul.

[Simplicity do really make a difference

maybe I dont really snap out of the habit

But at least I know why I'm fighting

why I'm screaming

so I'm trying, trying to break the habit]

Untold Story

Twilight ended in the form of a million trickles that cast a nostalgia tone in this lonely night

I let the rhythm of the rain guide me, my heart feeling and grasping the glory 

I always remember why this life is like this

and always never ever failing to relate to the wonderful things around me.

but why

why is there a certain indescribable solitude spreading and conquering my soul?

Is it because things have changed so fast that I can't register to it  

or is it simply I have truly started to let it go?

Yeah, those were the days when barriers are scarce and we can trade everything without hesitation 

and we all realized the only thing binding us is loosening and it's no longer useful.

Not anymore.

I know deep down in our hearts we've never been apart

but then again, how can you explain this thing that slowly overwhelmes my whole entity?


I visited a certain friend's blog recently
and feel a bit down scrolling through her posts
the starting of the end? I hope not
I just wish and pray, she dares to dream and hope again
I wouldn't want to see her fall and break
Times are hard and those niffy relationship problems are a huge mess of labyrinth 
even though she's strong,
she won't escape from shattering into a thousand pieces if nobody's there to brace for the fall.


[Dont close off your mind

Dont keep your guard tight
surely you're meant to fly in that sky someday
just let it go, let your feelings flow
no matter how hard you stumble
there'll be somebody there for you.]

So Deep

Suddenly all thoughts and past fragments came rushing and sprawling out in tides and rise
and then everything slides backwards and my state of mind halts in this instant.
It's that time of my life when memories swallow me up completely and I have no idea how this is happening


This time ....the scenes went back to when I was still eight.
Little, innocent, stupid child XD that was the time when everything was so right
so real, and yet too faraway.... life's so harsh, don't you agree?
I vaguely remember, that's when I was dominated and owned by the mighty Dengue fever.
yes, it was mighty back then, and I was in the hospital for like, three days.
Subang medical Hospital. Never forgotten :) there's a precious part of memory there
which will be always treasured throughout my sucked life....


the three days. the single-bed with white and cloud blue blanket and pillow.
the small, traditional television set. the always shadowy and greyish atmosphere.
the nice sweet lenglui nurse :) and the pain everytime there's an injection =.=
Those three days were my first major hospitalization, if you would call it "major", lol
and I still remembered how I cried all night because I cant see daddy and mummy...haha
and how the nice nurse consoled and accompanied me throughout the cold nights.
Most important of all, I knew the song" Never had a Dream Come True"
that's probably the most jubilant and exhilarating moment of my life, thinking of defining myself
with inspiration and awes. But it was back then, how should I know that the moment will be the thrust,
the energy and power for me to seek hope?
Maybe you would think I'm weird, but this is just me, songs affected me deeply, even by now.
the souls and feelings and thoughts of a song can be conveyed effectively without help, 
and I really love that part of me. Seriously. One of the rare parts of me that I can really 'like' =.=
Maybe it's common to many people, and you would think "that's just simply normal, what a total crap"
But well, I cant doubt anything, and this would just be the reason why I'm where I'm now.


It's so deep, so mesmerizing...

The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

and the reason is You [x3]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you 

So darn true...

Life in Slow-Motion

You know sometimes when you're about to sleep but fragments of images and memories of day time will still keep lingering there in your head and the scenes are like a sequence of a never-ending movie keep flashing here and there, making you restless, and you have a feeling you're getting insomnia...

Yeah, it's familiar, right? Especially to those whom are dealing with stress, doubts or pressure...

whether it's positive or negative.

You know how my dad will always keep on bragging about the importance of sleeping 

which is one of his main chatting topics when we're on the dinner table, when watching dramas, when nobody's talking... you name it. He always says how pimples are results of unbalance hormones due to haphazrd timing of sleeping times... and how it will affect us and so on. Sometimes I really doubt I can sleep early, unless you know, you're super-duper exhausted until you can fall asleep when eating your dinner.LOL. seriously I tried that before.

My dad keep on pressing on issues of health, yet Im like my mind wont register anything and my signature habit will be sleeping off during day time, any boring or unimportant moment or when you dont wanna give a damn about anything happening around you. That's when I will automatically shut myself down, just like throwing a switch... easy as that. Bizarre, huh? and when night descends, I will share the early minutes of dawn with countless insomniac or people who just force themselves not to sleep.It's a trend among teenagers today, the Y generation, yeap, the spoilt and unruly. Seriously, I will not give a thought about that, as long as Im doing my job okay, who cares about all that ? wait, I think this is not the point Im trying to say.

Anyway, Im not so sure where is this heading.... I just think that maybe I should try get this "insomnia" thing out of my life....yea. Who knows life will be much better when you sleep early? Haha.

Hey guys, I think you should all watch the music video of "If we ever meet again", a Timbaland featuring Katy Perry song. It's not that their singing really matters, what blows my mind off is the way the music video turns out, the intersecting scenes of the singers singing their stuffs and a related theme of real life people, a little bit dramatised. It's actually interesting and that really gives me inspiration. What do you think?

And yea, I guess you already read the annual school magazine and know there's an essay "Carmen" in the middle.Haha, talking about that, it's funny and I sooo wanna see the look on carmen's face. This is my thank you gift for going through the years with me, a thing to remember X) but seriously, that essay still needs MORE work and improvisations. Im still trying to construct something unique through the English language, so if you have any suggestion, you're most welcome~